I've been thinking about this for a very long time, and I've come to a decisive conclusion.
I originally decided to make a blog because I was in a worse-than-most state of mind. I decided to keep a blog in an attempt to log the things that flitted in and out of my mind, so that I may look back one day and reflect: If I had another chance to live through this period of time, would I have thought the same way and done the same things?
To put it very simply, I no longer see a need for that.
Slightly more than a mere month ago, I was probably a very different person. I'm guessing at that here, because I can't really seem to identify with the person who typed the earlier posts. Definitely not the same person. I remember: I wanted to keep a blog because I thought it'd be interesting to chronicle my daily objects of ponder, that it may provide some degree of entertainment to some, perhaps. It's not a bad thing that I don't hear my thoughts anymore. By that, I DO mean that in the not-too-distant past, I have consciously HEARD my thoughts in a tangible, speaking voice. Probably the result of cold, hard focus, but it's not a bad thing that I've lost this focus. Too much light is blinding; Too much clarity makes everything lose its beauty(because everything is inherently imperfect); Too much power of thought is torturing!
To end off, I'm happy that now, my head is no longer dominated by a voice (something I've even forgotten about until I read my past posts). Instead, nowadays I like to think about melodies I can use in my compositions. Things like that DO just stroll in and something compels me to sing along! Life is good! Although this will be my last post here (as the title suggests), I will not be deleting this blog because I think it'd be nice if I could look in every now and then and REALLY think about how I was like in this month or so. It has been a pretty short time on the calendar/clock but this has been one helluva 2 months: Finding a piece of myself in another person, casting that person aside, learning to live with that, before stupidly walking through the same Trap of Thorn Rose Bush again (heh. A metaphor I discovered from the first post. Now, did I really think of that?). Indeed, it ended in a pretty bad way, although I didn't regret it turning out like that. All of that, plus the bizarre ideas The Voice taught me. Maybe those things were indeed the truth, but if the truth is so ugly, I really would rather stay blind this time. It's one of those things people just have to learn yourself: You never wanna get a chance to look back and see a time when you passed up a chance to be happy.
Maybe I'd start another blog somewhere else if I feel like it... you know, post the things that people normally post about: How school life's a bitch sometimes, How certain things make everything else worthwhile, To-do's, What-I've-Done-Today's, Parents, Pressure, Growing Up, Emotions(the Cupid kind included) and everything else. I don't know it's all if-but-maybe.
HAHA who am I kidding no way I'm gonna waste time putting up mundane details of my life -.-
This is It, The Curtain Call, It's the End, The Door Closes, A Journey Ends! Life is good.
Goodbye forever blog.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The only rapper I listen to
Eminem- Beautiful
Who says rappers all only "sing" about drugs and guns and gangs and prostitutes and money?
Eminem is my favourite rapper! Actually he's the only rapper I listen to because as opposed to all that other shallow trash, quite a number of his songs are deep, moving, poignant and... dare I say inspirational?
Who says rappers all only "sing" about drugs and guns and gangs and prostitutes and money?
Eminem is my favourite rapper! Actually he's the only rapper I listen to because as opposed to all that other shallow trash, quite a number of his songs are deep, moving, poignant and... dare I say inspirational?
Friday, April 23, 2010
A kind of weird habit
Hi Bob! :D
So!! School has been crazy fun of late. I've been studying hard and for the first time, I know I'm not letting myself down. I need to find myself some time to love my piano, though. Nowadays I'm forced to go for days at a time without hearing it! When I come home dead beat and late into the night, I see the ebony beauty which sits commandingly in my room, and I really do feel a pang. :(
Today I went to play soccer with the dudes. It was damn fun and I think I made some new friends but I felt pretty lazy so I didn't run around much, didn't bother to aim much and basically just watched the others play. Not that it's always like that! Heh.
Today I went around calling people Bob on a stroke of inspiration. EVERYBODY I knew was Bob for a day! I mean, you have the same name as everyone. That's pretty damn awesome.
School nowadays is great because of my focus, and my friends. Definitely not my classmates. Not for the first time in my life, I regret ever having picked the 3x science class. The subjects are pretty good, but I generally dislike the people. Nobody there really clicks with me you know?!?! Well, more or less, it's just Anderson the rush-to-KFC-for-lunch-then-late-for-lesson buddy, and Zul the confidante-plus-everything-else-zaikiah-ster. I don't really talk to anyone else and my class is sooo fragmented it's all about "To Each His Own" and shit so it's normally pretty damn boring. And I feel more part of a class with 4R2 then with my own class but I'm not really in 4R2 so there's the awkward situation whereby 4R2 is going Genting and some people are like "Hey Keith should come too" while some people are like "No Keith is 4R1 so he shouldn't come". I mean I want to go larhh because 4R2 means more to me as a class than 4R1 ever did but in the end I'm not REALLY in 4R2 so it's mighty awkward and it's a fucking shitty situation to be in :(:( Zzzzzzzzz.
I've just been to a website I shouldn't have been to (no, not porn -,-) and I feel slightly happy, slightly sad, and pretty puzzled. Let's just leave it at that, maybe I'll tell the Bobs closer to me or whatever. I have learnt to tell myself: Whenever it appears like it's a hint for you, it's really just you making things up. Yeah I know, pessimistic much, but I'd choose hurting the person who really IS hinting at something, over making myself look like a fool, anyday of the week. It's not me being a self-centered asshole, it's that anyone who falls for the same pothole twice is an idiot.
I hope this particular person disappears quickly because I still can't entirely forget
I think I'm losing my focus!! Shit. Nooo I have to get myself back on track because it may only be halfway through, but I've come too far to lose sight of my goals now. C'monBob Keith!!!
So!! School has been crazy fun of late. I've been studying hard and for the first time, I know I'm not letting myself down. I need to find myself some time to love my piano, though. Nowadays I'm forced to go for days at a time without hearing it! When I come home dead beat and late into the night, I see the ebony beauty which sits commandingly in my room, and I really do feel a pang. :(
Today I went to play soccer with the dudes. It was damn fun and I think I made some new friends but I felt pretty lazy so I didn't run around much, didn't bother to aim much and basically just watched the others play. Not that it's always like that! Heh.
Today I went around calling people Bob on a stroke of inspiration. EVERYBODY I knew was Bob for a day! I mean, you have the same name as everyone. That's pretty damn awesome.
School nowadays is great because of my focus, and my friends. Definitely not my classmates. Not for the first time in my life, I regret ever having picked the 3x science class. The subjects are pretty good, but I generally dislike the people. Nobody there really clicks with me you know?!?! Well, more or less, it's just Anderson the rush-to-KFC-for-lunch-then-late-for-lesson buddy, and Zul the confidante-plus-everything-else-zaikiah-ster. I don't really talk to anyone else and my class is sooo fragmented it's all about "To Each His Own" and shit so it's normally pretty damn boring. And I feel more part of a class with 4R2 then with my own class but I'm not really in 4R2 so there's the awkward situation whereby 4R2 is going Genting and some people are like "Hey Keith should come too" while some people are like "No Keith is 4R1 so he shouldn't come". I mean I want to go larhh because 4R2 means more to me as a class than 4R1 ever did but in the end I'm not REALLY in 4R2 so it's mighty awkward and it's a fucking shitty situation to be in :(:( Zzzzzzzzz.
I've just been to a website I shouldn't have been to (no, not porn -,-) and I feel slightly happy, slightly sad, and pretty puzzled. Let's just leave it at that, maybe I'll tell the Bobs closer to me or whatever. I have learnt to tell myself: Whenever it appears like it's a hint for you, it's really just you making things up. Yeah I know, pessimistic much, but I'd choose hurting the person who really IS hinting at something, over making myself look like a fool, anyday of the week. It's not me being a self-centered asshole, it's that anyone who falls for the same pothole twice is an idiot.
I hope this particular person disappears quickly because I still can't entirely forget
I think I'm losing my focus!! Shit. Nooo I have to get myself back on track because it may only be halfway through, but I've come too far to lose sight of my goals now. C'mon
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
And so I fight once more for dominance.
I'm hearing voices again. This time, though, it sounds cold, rational, deep. Not the sing-song, twisted, flanging one from last month.
Do not take it for granted that your mind bears only one living consciousness.
Do not take it for granted that your mind bears only one living consciousness.
When you do not have a particular topic, what do you call it?
Hmm I'm guessing that people like to call such posts "rants". But rants are posts which lack content, as opposed to what I am about to post, which will have content from all over the damn place.
First up. I think I like basketball a lot more than soccer. I probably like my soccer kaki-s more, but I like the basketball GAME a lot more. I just play basketball a lot better than I play soccer. Yeah it's probably to do with my physique and yadah yadah, well don't start pulling out the hate-sticks because I just said I like to play basketball more, I didn't say "I'm the awesomest basketballer there is" or whatever.
I play a more cerebral game. I approach a game of basketball not too differently from a game of chess. It's all about being mentally sharp and focused. A lot of my game revolves around movement, getting myself into a position where I can line up a sweet jumper. And believe me, my jump shots have been SWEET :D
Well, in comparison to how I normally fare, anyway. I know I've improved quite a bit, though, which is good! Thoroughly enjoyed my 2.5 hours of basketball today, although I was supposed to be at the gym. Oh well. My arms are still aching from my previous visit anyway. I'll go on Thursday. Important to de-stress after all that no-lifer studying!
I think I am going to stop with my Moments for now. I am probably naturally gifted with an effortless ability to roll awesome melodies off my fingers, but my accompaniment is invariably shit. It gets very frustrating when I can't play anything other than an arpeggios to accompany my melody. I am going to stop because I am truly sick of it. And of all my songs, there are a few which are especially sentimental.Those are my favourite pieces and I feel quite disheartened to only chance upon Moments of such quality only occasionally. Of course, my favourite pieces ALL have arpeggios accompaniment too, and that kinda sucks. I'm going to spend a couple of years learning Theory of Music before I attempt to compose again. I wanna try the cool stuff like chordal, Monophonic, homophonic, Alberti's, and... Contrapunto! I want to learn to compose some of the music I love :)
Well recently there was a real controversy for me on Facebook. Nevermind the first part. That's settled already. My SC was maligned, so I defend my juniors and my fellow ex-SCs. Then I had this "righteous" Ghost of SC Past come along and shit his pants trying to prove me wrong. And what? Based on stuff he experienced in school when I was still in like Lower Primary. Sigh I didn't wanna say that to him (I don't even remember his name anymore) because I think everyone deserves at least a minimum amount of respect, but I think I can't be blamed for thinking: How, by Paganini's fingers, is his experience relevant? C'mon la, I mean ok you come back and help your CCA and shit, but you know nuts about what goes on in the school beyond your CCA now, since you're no longer a student, so zip it and stop being an asshole.
It totally helped that he kept nit-picking at what I typed and he had great fun twisting the meaning of my words to make me look like an arrogant asshole. I almost want to applaud him because it's been such a long time since I've come across anyone half as good at bullshitting.
I mean, I know very fucking well that you don't declare yourself good, it's other people that rate you as "good". I totally needed him to teach me that, because I was too stupid to learn that myself in 2 years of experience in leadership roles. And it was really icing on the cake that this faceless mentor was very much a nameless student throughout his life. Ahh, the ironies of life! Not to say that there's anything wrong with that, but there IS something wrong when such a person tries to be bigger than he is, which is honestly not very big.
Lastly. I am coming to terms with how some people just aren't worth it. People prove themselves over time, and over time, the dazzle on certain people does indeed fade away and you see them for the ordinary (which is a nice way to say "mediocre", since mediocre means average) person that they are. I find ALL of my friends extraordinary in some way, as a matter of fact, although some are more extraordinary to me than others. The day the last vestiges of your dazzle fade away, is the day I see that you're not a friend worth keeping, since you do not bring anything special. And you, yes you, are very ordinary indeed, I see that now. STILL thoroughly disappointing, especially when in comparison with my initial, flawed impression. Sigh. I think it can be said that I do not care for this certain person's friendship anymore. Do what you will, I couldn't feel less hurt or angry.
LOL sorry that I had to end with a sad tone. Oh well, 'tis but a tiny blemish in a life for which the bright, radiant sun is the best analogy.
(HEHEHEH I COULDN'T RESIST IT I JUST HAD TO END WITH A CHIM-OLOGY)
First up. I think I like basketball a lot more than soccer. I probably like my soccer kaki-s more, but I like the basketball GAME a lot more. I just play basketball a lot better than I play soccer. Yeah it's probably to do with my physique and yadah yadah, well don't start pulling out the hate-sticks because I just said I like to play basketball more, I didn't say "I'm the awesomest basketballer there is" or whatever.
I play a more cerebral game. I approach a game of basketball not too differently from a game of chess. It's all about being mentally sharp and focused. A lot of my game revolves around movement, getting myself into a position where I can line up a sweet jumper. And believe me, my jump shots have been SWEET :D
Well, in comparison to how I normally fare, anyway. I know I've improved quite a bit, though, which is good! Thoroughly enjoyed my 2.5 hours of basketball today, although I was supposed to be at the gym. Oh well. My arms are still aching from my previous visit anyway. I'll go on Thursday. Important to de-stress after all that no-lifer studying!
I think I am going to stop with my Moments for now. I am probably naturally gifted with an effortless ability to roll awesome melodies off my fingers, but my accompaniment is invariably shit. It gets very frustrating when I can't play anything other than an arpeggios to accompany my melody. I am going to stop because I am truly sick of it. And of all my songs, there are a few which are especially sentimental.Those are my favourite pieces and I feel quite disheartened to only chance upon Moments of such quality only occasionally. Of course, my favourite pieces ALL have arpeggios accompaniment too, and that kinda sucks. I'm going to spend a couple of years learning Theory of Music before I attempt to compose again. I wanna try the cool stuff like chordal, Monophonic, homophonic, Alberti's, and... Contrapunto! I want to learn to compose some of the music I love :)
Well recently there was a real controversy for me on Facebook. Nevermind the first part. That's settled already. My SC was maligned, so I defend my juniors and my fellow ex-SCs. Then I had this "righteous" Ghost of SC Past come along and shit his pants trying to prove me wrong. And what? Based on stuff he experienced in school when I was still in like Lower Primary. Sigh I didn't wanna say that to him (I don't even remember his name anymore) because I think everyone deserves at least a minimum amount of respect, but I think I can't be blamed for thinking: How, by Paganini's fingers, is his experience relevant? C'mon la, I mean ok you come back and help your CCA and shit, but you know nuts about what goes on in the school beyond your CCA now, since you're no longer a student, so zip it and stop being an asshole.
It totally helped that he kept nit-picking at what I typed and he had great fun twisting the meaning of my words to make me look like an arrogant asshole. I almost want to applaud him because it's been such a long time since I've come across anyone half as good at bullshitting.
I mean, I know very fucking well that you don't declare yourself good, it's other people that rate you as "good". I totally needed him to teach me that, because I was too stupid to learn that myself in 2 years of experience in leadership roles. And it was really icing on the cake that this faceless mentor was very much a nameless student throughout his life. Ahh, the ironies of life! Not to say that there's anything wrong with that, but there IS something wrong when such a person tries to be bigger than he is, which is honestly not very big.
Lastly. I am coming to terms with how some people just aren't worth it. People prove themselves over time, and over time, the dazzle on certain people does indeed fade away and you see them for the ordinary (which is a nice way to say "mediocre", since mediocre means average) person that they are. I find ALL of my friends extraordinary in some way, as a matter of fact, although some are more extraordinary to me than others. The day the last vestiges of your dazzle fade away, is the day I see that you're not a friend worth keeping, since you do not bring anything special. And you, yes you, are very ordinary indeed, I see that now. STILL thoroughly disappointing, especially when in comparison with my initial, flawed impression. Sigh. I think it can be said that I do not care for this certain person's friendship anymore. Do what you will, I couldn't feel less hurt or angry.
LOL sorry that I had to end with a sad tone. Oh well, 'tis but a tiny blemish in a life for which the bright, radiant sun is the best analogy.
(HEHEHEH I COULDN'T RESIST IT I JUST HAD TO END WITH A CHIM-OLOGY)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I will make it out! I think.
The days have been far too long, and the nights far too short. I suppose this is part and parcel of life as a straight-A student (I'm serious! My results of late have been awesome. Amaths, emaths, bio, chem, physics, english, whatever. You name it baby ;D). I'm feeling a bit burned out by all that I've been doing the past 2 weeks. I will probably get used to this if I keep this up long enough, but I think the question that I must answer when I return to East Coast Park for the first time in a month, later tonight is: Am I willing to put everything else aside, and focus 100% on my studies? I have never been about fantastic results and entire afternoons buried in textbooks. I wonder if I can convince myself to stay on this path all the way through to the O levels. Already, my new study programme has cost me a part of my life; now I only play piano about 4 hours a week, and I only get to play on weekends. This is compared to the 14 hours or so I used to spend on the piano, drilling away on the keys or composing something interesting. I don't think I will be able to live without my dear instrument much longer!
The human mind (or rather, the mind of Keith Ang, since I don't know what passes through you guys' brains daily. Although I certainly can know if I want to :P) is a complex thing indeed! Life is extremely simple now. I think I'm now living the life of a normal teenager. Cajole around with friends, study hard, cajole around with friends more, study harder, have fun, go home and feel happy. But... I don't know. I find life increasingly one-dimensional. It is no longer the dizzying hall of mirrors, and I haven't felt lost in a long time, but now I find life far too linear. Like.. the road is so smooth and mapped out! Where's the fun in an existence that presents no challenge bah. I hope I can find a solution to this problem when I go back to my usual spot along the beach at East Coast Park later on. I'm looking forward to it because returning there reminds me of a recent event which already feels surprisingly distant. Ironic that that same event was the reason why I stopped visiting ECP at night in the first place. Heh.
Neural overload is bad for the soul!
The human mind (or rather, the mind of Keith Ang, since I don't know what passes through you guys' brains daily. Although I certainly can know if I want to :P) is a complex thing indeed! Life is extremely simple now. I think I'm now living the life of a normal teenager. Cajole around with friends, study hard, cajole around with friends more, study harder, have fun, go home and feel happy. But... I don't know. I find life increasingly one-dimensional. It is no longer the dizzying hall of mirrors, and I haven't felt lost in a long time, but now I find life far too linear. Like.. the road is so smooth and mapped out! Where's the fun in an existence that presents no challenge bah. I hope I can find a solution to this problem when I go back to my usual spot along the beach at East Coast Park later on. I'm looking forward to it because returning there reminds me of a recent event which already feels surprisingly distant. Ironic that that same event was the reason why I stopped visiting ECP at night in the first place. Heh.
Neural overload is bad for the soul!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
What Justin Bieber should be singing
YEAHHHH (Y) >:D See he's so talented because his lyrics make so much sense.
I'm Just A Baby- Daveday's parody of Justin Bieber's Baby
I know you love me they all do
Hop on the list babe I might pick you
I fell in love girl many times
My heart first broke when I was nine
She cheated on me it really hurt
On the playground with some jerk
I know what love is I've got full experience
But deep down inside
I'm just a baby baby baby Ohhh
A baby baby baby no don't touch me!
Baby baby baby ohhsdfjkldsj
Puberty suck sometimes!
I'm making money everywhere
I've got a room full of underwear
But I don't want you money
And I don't want your clothes
I want a girl who knows
How to maintain a stable relationship
With good communication
Can you take care of kids?
Cause' I've got names picked out
And a drivers license in about (5 months)
I know it all sounds scary
Now baby let's get married
I keep forgetting that I'm
I'm just a baby baby baby Ohhh
A baby baby baby no don't touch me!
Baby baby baby ohhsdfjkldsj
I move away from the microphone to breathe
When I was like 12 I fell in love hard
That's when I knew I couldn't be without girl
Weddings in March
So grab my pack of crayons let's hit the 7th grade
My voice is changing up but I'm still getting
Laid...
...ies home phone numbers so I can call their moms
to talk to my moms to see if we can hang out after
school for a few hours when your moms home from work
WOAH WHAT! Dave don't be such a...
Baby baby baby Ohhh
A baby baby baby no don't touch me!
Baby baby baby ohhsdfjkldsj
Puberty suck sometimes!
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