I've been thinking about this for a very long time, and I've come to a decisive conclusion.
I originally decided to make a blog because I was in a worse-than-most state of mind. I decided to keep a blog in an attempt to log the things that flitted in and out of my mind, so that I may look back one day and reflect: If I had another chance to live through this period of time, would I have thought the same way and done the same things?
To put it very simply, I no longer see a need for that.
Slightly more than a mere month ago, I was probably a very different person. I'm guessing at that here, because I can't really seem to identify with the person who typed the earlier posts. Definitely not the same person. I remember: I wanted to keep a blog because I thought it'd be interesting to chronicle my daily objects of ponder, that it may provide some degree of entertainment to some, perhaps. It's not a bad thing that I don't hear my thoughts anymore. By that, I DO mean that in the not-too-distant past, I have consciously HEARD my thoughts in a tangible, speaking voice. Probably the result of cold, hard focus, but it's not a bad thing that I've lost this focus. Too much light is blinding; Too much clarity makes everything lose its beauty(because everything is inherently imperfect); Too much power of thought is torturing!
To end off, I'm happy that now, my head is no longer dominated by a voice (something I've even forgotten about until I read my past posts). Instead, nowadays I like to think about melodies I can use in my compositions. Things like that DO just stroll in and something compels me to sing along! Life is good! Although this will be my last post here (as the title suggests), I will not be deleting this blog because I think it'd be nice if I could look in every now and then and REALLY think about how I was like in this month or so. It has been a pretty short time on the calendar/clock but this has been one helluva 2 months: Finding a piece of myself in another person, casting that person aside, learning to live with that, before stupidly walking through the same Trap of Thorn Rose Bush again (heh. A metaphor I discovered from the first post. Now, did I really think of that?). Indeed, it ended in a pretty bad way, although I didn't regret it turning out like that. All of that, plus the bizarre ideas The Voice taught me. Maybe those things were indeed the truth, but if the truth is so ugly, I really would rather stay blind this time. It's one of those things people just have to learn yourself: You never wanna get a chance to look back and see a time when you passed up a chance to be happy.
Maybe I'd start another blog somewhere else if I feel like it... you know, post the things that people normally post about: How school life's a bitch sometimes, How certain things make everything else worthwhile, To-do's, What-I've-Done-Today's, Parents, Pressure, Growing Up, Emotions(the Cupid kind included) and everything else. I don't know it's all if-but-maybe.
HAHA who am I kidding no way I'm gonna waste time putting up mundane details of my life -.-
This is It, The Curtain Call, It's the End, The Door Closes, A Journey Ends! Life is good.
Goodbye forever blog.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The only rapper I listen to
Eminem- Beautiful
Who says rappers all only "sing" about drugs and guns and gangs and prostitutes and money?
Eminem is my favourite rapper! Actually he's the only rapper I listen to because as opposed to all that other shallow trash, quite a number of his songs are deep, moving, poignant and... dare I say inspirational?
Who says rappers all only "sing" about drugs and guns and gangs and prostitutes and money?
Eminem is my favourite rapper! Actually he's the only rapper I listen to because as opposed to all that other shallow trash, quite a number of his songs are deep, moving, poignant and... dare I say inspirational?
Friday, April 23, 2010
A kind of weird habit
Hi Bob! :D
So!! School has been crazy fun of late. I've been studying hard and for the first time, I know I'm not letting myself down. I need to find myself some time to love my piano, though. Nowadays I'm forced to go for days at a time without hearing it! When I come home dead beat and late into the night, I see the ebony beauty which sits commandingly in my room, and I really do feel a pang. :(
Today I went to play soccer with the dudes. It was damn fun and I think I made some new friends but I felt pretty lazy so I didn't run around much, didn't bother to aim much and basically just watched the others play. Not that it's always like that! Heh.
Today I went around calling people Bob on a stroke of inspiration. EVERYBODY I knew was Bob for a day! I mean, you have the same name as everyone. That's pretty damn awesome.
School nowadays is great because of my focus, and my friends. Definitely not my classmates. Not for the first time in my life, I regret ever having picked the 3x science class. The subjects are pretty good, but I generally dislike the people. Nobody there really clicks with me you know?!?! Well, more or less, it's just Anderson the rush-to-KFC-for-lunch-then-late-for-lesson buddy, and Zul the confidante-plus-everything-else-zaikiah-ster. I don't really talk to anyone else and my class is sooo fragmented it's all about "To Each His Own" and shit so it's normally pretty damn boring. And I feel more part of a class with 4R2 then with my own class but I'm not really in 4R2 so there's the awkward situation whereby 4R2 is going Genting and some people are like "Hey Keith should come too" while some people are like "No Keith is 4R1 so he shouldn't come". I mean I want to go larhh because 4R2 means more to me as a class than 4R1 ever did but in the end I'm not REALLY in 4R2 so it's mighty awkward and it's a fucking shitty situation to be in :(:( Zzzzzzzzz.
I've just been to a website I shouldn't have been to (no, not porn -,-) and I feel slightly happy, slightly sad, and pretty puzzled. Let's just leave it at that, maybe I'll tell the Bobs closer to me or whatever. I have learnt to tell myself: Whenever it appears like it's a hint for you, it's really just you making things up. Yeah I know, pessimistic much, but I'd choose hurting the person who really IS hinting at something, over making myself look like a fool, anyday of the week. It's not me being a self-centered asshole, it's that anyone who falls for the same pothole twice is an idiot.
I hope this particular person disappears quickly because I still can't entirely forget
I think I'm losing my focus!! Shit. Nooo I have to get myself back on track because it may only be halfway through, but I've come too far to lose sight of my goals now. C'monBob Keith!!!
So!! School has been crazy fun of late. I've been studying hard and for the first time, I know I'm not letting myself down. I need to find myself some time to love my piano, though. Nowadays I'm forced to go for days at a time without hearing it! When I come home dead beat and late into the night, I see the ebony beauty which sits commandingly in my room, and I really do feel a pang. :(
Today I went to play soccer with the dudes. It was damn fun and I think I made some new friends but I felt pretty lazy so I didn't run around much, didn't bother to aim much and basically just watched the others play. Not that it's always like that! Heh.
Today I went around calling people Bob on a stroke of inspiration. EVERYBODY I knew was Bob for a day! I mean, you have the same name as everyone. That's pretty damn awesome.
School nowadays is great because of my focus, and my friends. Definitely not my classmates. Not for the first time in my life, I regret ever having picked the 3x science class. The subjects are pretty good, but I generally dislike the people. Nobody there really clicks with me you know?!?! Well, more or less, it's just Anderson the rush-to-KFC-for-lunch-then-late-for-lesson buddy, and Zul the confidante-plus-everything-else-zaikiah-ster. I don't really talk to anyone else and my class is sooo fragmented it's all about "To Each His Own" and shit so it's normally pretty damn boring. And I feel more part of a class with 4R2 then with my own class but I'm not really in 4R2 so there's the awkward situation whereby 4R2 is going Genting and some people are like "Hey Keith should come too" while some people are like "No Keith is 4R1 so he shouldn't come". I mean I want to go larhh because 4R2 means more to me as a class than 4R1 ever did but in the end I'm not REALLY in 4R2 so it's mighty awkward and it's a fucking shitty situation to be in :(:( Zzzzzzzzz.
I've just been to a website I shouldn't have been to (no, not porn -,-) and I feel slightly happy, slightly sad, and pretty puzzled. Let's just leave it at that, maybe I'll tell the Bobs closer to me or whatever. I have learnt to tell myself: Whenever it appears like it's a hint for you, it's really just you making things up. Yeah I know, pessimistic much, but I'd choose hurting the person who really IS hinting at something, over making myself look like a fool, anyday of the week. It's not me being a self-centered asshole, it's that anyone who falls for the same pothole twice is an idiot.
I hope this particular person disappears quickly because I still can't entirely forget
I think I'm losing my focus!! Shit. Nooo I have to get myself back on track because it may only be halfway through, but I've come too far to lose sight of my goals now. C'mon
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
And so I fight once more for dominance.
I'm hearing voices again. This time, though, it sounds cold, rational, deep. Not the sing-song, twisted, flanging one from last month.
Do not take it for granted that your mind bears only one living consciousness.
Do not take it for granted that your mind bears only one living consciousness.
When you do not have a particular topic, what do you call it?
Hmm I'm guessing that people like to call such posts "rants". But rants are posts which lack content, as opposed to what I am about to post, which will have content from all over the damn place.
First up. I think I like basketball a lot more than soccer. I probably like my soccer kaki-s more, but I like the basketball GAME a lot more. I just play basketball a lot better than I play soccer. Yeah it's probably to do with my physique and yadah yadah, well don't start pulling out the hate-sticks because I just said I like to play basketball more, I didn't say "I'm the awesomest basketballer there is" or whatever.
I play a more cerebral game. I approach a game of basketball not too differently from a game of chess. It's all about being mentally sharp and focused. A lot of my game revolves around movement, getting myself into a position where I can line up a sweet jumper. And believe me, my jump shots have been SWEET :D
Well, in comparison to how I normally fare, anyway. I know I've improved quite a bit, though, which is good! Thoroughly enjoyed my 2.5 hours of basketball today, although I was supposed to be at the gym. Oh well. My arms are still aching from my previous visit anyway. I'll go on Thursday. Important to de-stress after all that no-lifer studying!
I think I am going to stop with my Moments for now. I am probably naturally gifted with an effortless ability to roll awesome melodies off my fingers, but my accompaniment is invariably shit. It gets very frustrating when I can't play anything other than an arpeggios to accompany my melody. I am going to stop because I am truly sick of it. And of all my songs, there are a few which are especially sentimental.Those are my favourite pieces and I feel quite disheartened to only chance upon Moments of such quality only occasionally. Of course, my favourite pieces ALL have arpeggios accompaniment too, and that kinda sucks. I'm going to spend a couple of years learning Theory of Music before I attempt to compose again. I wanna try the cool stuff like chordal, Monophonic, homophonic, Alberti's, and... Contrapunto! I want to learn to compose some of the music I love :)
Well recently there was a real controversy for me on Facebook. Nevermind the first part. That's settled already. My SC was maligned, so I defend my juniors and my fellow ex-SCs. Then I had this "righteous" Ghost of SC Past come along and shit his pants trying to prove me wrong. And what? Based on stuff he experienced in school when I was still in like Lower Primary. Sigh I didn't wanna say that to him (I don't even remember his name anymore) because I think everyone deserves at least a minimum amount of respect, but I think I can't be blamed for thinking: How, by Paganini's fingers, is his experience relevant? C'mon la, I mean ok you come back and help your CCA and shit, but you know nuts about what goes on in the school beyond your CCA now, since you're no longer a student, so zip it and stop being an asshole.
It totally helped that he kept nit-picking at what I typed and he had great fun twisting the meaning of my words to make me look like an arrogant asshole. I almost want to applaud him because it's been such a long time since I've come across anyone half as good at bullshitting.
I mean, I know very fucking well that you don't declare yourself good, it's other people that rate you as "good". I totally needed him to teach me that, because I was too stupid to learn that myself in 2 years of experience in leadership roles. And it was really icing on the cake that this faceless mentor was very much a nameless student throughout his life. Ahh, the ironies of life! Not to say that there's anything wrong with that, but there IS something wrong when such a person tries to be bigger than he is, which is honestly not very big.
Lastly. I am coming to terms with how some people just aren't worth it. People prove themselves over time, and over time, the dazzle on certain people does indeed fade away and you see them for the ordinary (which is a nice way to say "mediocre", since mediocre means average) person that they are. I find ALL of my friends extraordinary in some way, as a matter of fact, although some are more extraordinary to me than others. The day the last vestiges of your dazzle fade away, is the day I see that you're not a friend worth keeping, since you do not bring anything special. And you, yes you, are very ordinary indeed, I see that now. STILL thoroughly disappointing, especially when in comparison with my initial, flawed impression. Sigh. I think it can be said that I do not care for this certain person's friendship anymore. Do what you will, I couldn't feel less hurt or angry.
LOL sorry that I had to end with a sad tone. Oh well, 'tis but a tiny blemish in a life for which the bright, radiant sun is the best analogy.
(HEHEHEH I COULDN'T RESIST IT I JUST HAD TO END WITH A CHIM-OLOGY)
First up. I think I like basketball a lot more than soccer. I probably like my soccer kaki-s more, but I like the basketball GAME a lot more. I just play basketball a lot better than I play soccer. Yeah it's probably to do with my physique and yadah yadah, well don't start pulling out the hate-sticks because I just said I like to play basketball more, I didn't say "I'm the awesomest basketballer there is" or whatever.
I play a more cerebral game. I approach a game of basketball not too differently from a game of chess. It's all about being mentally sharp and focused. A lot of my game revolves around movement, getting myself into a position where I can line up a sweet jumper. And believe me, my jump shots have been SWEET :D
Well, in comparison to how I normally fare, anyway. I know I've improved quite a bit, though, which is good! Thoroughly enjoyed my 2.5 hours of basketball today, although I was supposed to be at the gym. Oh well. My arms are still aching from my previous visit anyway. I'll go on Thursday. Important to de-stress after all that no-lifer studying!
I think I am going to stop with my Moments for now. I am probably naturally gifted with an effortless ability to roll awesome melodies off my fingers, but my accompaniment is invariably shit. It gets very frustrating when I can't play anything other than an arpeggios to accompany my melody. I am going to stop because I am truly sick of it. And of all my songs, there are a few which are especially sentimental.Those are my favourite pieces and I feel quite disheartened to only chance upon Moments of such quality only occasionally. Of course, my favourite pieces ALL have arpeggios accompaniment too, and that kinda sucks. I'm going to spend a couple of years learning Theory of Music before I attempt to compose again. I wanna try the cool stuff like chordal, Monophonic, homophonic, Alberti's, and... Contrapunto! I want to learn to compose some of the music I love :)
Well recently there was a real controversy for me on Facebook. Nevermind the first part. That's settled already. My SC was maligned, so I defend my juniors and my fellow ex-SCs. Then I had this "righteous" Ghost of SC Past come along and shit his pants trying to prove me wrong. And what? Based on stuff he experienced in school when I was still in like Lower Primary. Sigh I didn't wanna say that to him (I don't even remember his name anymore) because I think everyone deserves at least a minimum amount of respect, but I think I can't be blamed for thinking: How, by Paganini's fingers, is his experience relevant? C'mon la, I mean ok you come back and help your CCA and shit, but you know nuts about what goes on in the school beyond your CCA now, since you're no longer a student, so zip it and stop being an asshole.
It totally helped that he kept nit-picking at what I typed and he had great fun twisting the meaning of my words to make me look like an arrogant asshole. I almost want to applaud him because it's been such a long time since I've come across anyone half as good at bullshitting.
I mean, I know very fucking well that you don't declare yourself good, it's other people that rate you as "good". I totally needed him to teach me that, because I was too stupid to learn that myself in 2 years of experience in leadership roles. And it was really icing on the cake that this faceless mentor was very much a nameless student throughout his life. Ahh, the ironies of life! Not to say that there's anything wrong with that, but there IS something wrong when such a person tries to be bigger than he is, which is honestly not very big.
Lastly. I am coming to terms with how some people just aren't worth it. People prove themselves over time, and over time, the dazzle on certain people does indeed fade away and you see them for the ordinary (which is a nice way to say "mediocre", since mediocre means average) person that they are. I find ALL of my friends extraordinary in some way, as a matter of fact, although some are more extraordinary to me than others. The day the last vestiges of your dazzle fade away, is the day I see that you're not a friend worth keeping, since you do not bring anything special. And you, yes you, are very ordinary indeed, I see that now. STILL thoroughly disappointing, especially when in comparison with my initial, flawed impression. Sigh. I think it can be said that I do not care for this certain person's friendship anymore. Do what you will, I couldn't feel less hurt or angry.
LOL sorry that I had to end with a sad tone. Oh well, 'tis but a tiny blemish in a life for which the bright, radiant sun is the best analogy.
(HEHEHEH I COULDN'T RESIST IT I JUST HAD TO END WITH A CHIM-OLOGY)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I will make it out! I think.
The days have been far too long, and the nights far too short. I suppose this is part and parcel of life as a straight-A student (I'm serious! My results of late have been awesome. Amaths, emaths, bio, chem, physics, english, whatever. You name it baby ;D). I'm feeling a bit burned out by all that I've been doing the past 2 weeks. I will probably get used to this if I keep this up long enough, but I think the question that I must answer when I return to East Coast Park for the first time in a month, later tonight is: Am I willing to put everything else aside, and focus 100% on my studies? I have never been about fantastic results and entire afternoons buried in textbooks. I wonder if I can convince myself to stay on this path all the way through to the O levels. Already, my new study programme has cost me a part of my life; now I only play piano about 4 hours a week, and I only get to play on weekends. This is compared to the 14 hours or so I used to spend on the piano, drilling away on the keys or composing something interesting. I don't think I will be able to live without my dear instrument much longer!
The human mind (or rather, the mind of Keith Ang, since I don't know what passes through you guys' brains daily. Although I certainly can know if I want to :P) is a complex thing indeed! Life is extremely simple now. I think I'm now living the life of a normal teenager. Cajole around with friends, study hard, cajole around with friends more, study harder, have fun, go home and feel happy. But... I don't know. I find life increasingly one-dimensional. It is no longer the dizzying hall of mirrors, and I haven't felt lost in a long time, but now I find life far too linear. Like.. the road is so smooth and mapped out! Where's the fun in an existence that presents no challenge bah. I hope I can find a solution to this problem when I go back to my usual spot along the beach at East Coast Park later on. I'm looking forward to it because returning there reminds me of a recent event which already feels surprisingly distant. Ironic that that same event was the reason why I stopped visiting ECP at night in the first place. Heh.
Neural overload is bad for the soul!
The human mind (or rather, the mind of Keith Ang, since I don't know what passes through you guys' brains daily. Although I certainly can know if I want to :P) is a complex thing indeed! Life is extremely simple now. I think I'm now living the life of a normal teenager. Cajole around with friends, study hard, cajole around with friends more, study harder, have fun, go home and feel happy. But... I don't know. I find life increasingly one-dimensional. It is no longer the dizzying hall of mirrors, and I haven't felt lost in a long time, but now I find life far too linear. Like.. the road is so smooth and mapped out! Where's the fun in an existence that presents no challenge bah. I hope I can find a solution to this problem when I go back to my usual spot along the beach at East Coast Park later on. I'm looking forward to it because returning there reminds me of a recent event which already feels surprisingly distant. Ironic that that same event was the reason why I stopped visiting ECP at night in the first place. Heh.
Neural overload is bad for the soul!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
What Justin Bieber should be singing
YEAHHHH (Y) >:D See he's so talented because his lyrics make so much sense.
I'm Just A Baby- Daveday's parody of Justin Bieber's Baby
I know you love me they all do
Hop on the list babe I might pick you
I fell in love girl many times
My heart first broke when I was nine
She cheated on me it really hurt
On the playground with some jerk
I know what love is I've got full experience
But deep down inside
I'm just a baby baby baby Ohhh
A baby baby baby no don't touch me!
Baby baby baby ohhsdfjkldsj
Puberty suck sometimes!
I'm making money everywhere
I've got a room full of underwear
But I don't want you money
And I don't want your clothes
I want a girl who knows
How to maintain a stable relationship
With good communication
Can you take care of kids?
Cause' I've got names picked out
And a drivers license in about (5 months)
I know it all sounds scary
Now baby let's get married
I keep forgetting that I'm
I'm just a baby baby baby Ohhh
A baby baby baby no don't touch me!
Baby baby baby ohhsdfjkldsj
I move away from the microphone to breathe
When I was like 12 I fell in love hard
That's when I knew I couldn't be without girl
Weddings in March
So grab my pack of crayons let's hit the 7th grade
My voice is changing up but I'm still getting
Laid...
...ies home phone numbers so I can call their moms
to talk to my moms to see if we can hang out after
school for a few hours when your moms home from work
WOAH WHAT! Dave don't be such a...
Baby baby baby Ohhh
A baby baby baby no don't touch me!
Baby baby baby ohhsdfjkldsj
Puberty suck sometimes!
Now that 's a talent!
Forget the fact that he's in love with Miley Cyrus! I think that the fact that he wrote this himself (and I think that he, by all industry definitions, is very much an amateur) is amazing. This song... speaks to me in a way that normally only Chopin does. (no, not Mozart or Beethoven or Bach or whatever, they all speak to me in other different ways, just Chopin now) Read: It relates to my romantic side. Read: It reminds me of someone!
this has been going on
each second i look you're gone
you're not calling
it's time for me to move on
my friends were right all along
you keep falling away
giving ups not easy
its hard enough to say
as much as i make believe
you're not really here with me
what was i thinking from the beginning
you didn't care at all
so here's your last song
i can leave it all behind
or take another chance to find you
no where in sight
going to the movies alone
every scenes that's shown
reminds me of you
as much as i make believe
you're not really here with me
what was i thinking from the beginning
you didn't care at all
all that's left are the memories
constantly haunting me
i'm giving up it's time to grow up
you're not around and we're not in love
heres the last song
laying around in around in this hotel room
too much to think about nothing to do
she's not coming back she's not coming back
as much as i make believe
something in side of me
has got me hoping got me thinking
who am i to assume
this love is crazy
unpredictable maybe
you'll melt my heart like you did from the start
all over again it's not the end
so here's your last song
yeah we made it out
this has been going on
each second i look you're gone
you're not calling
it's time for me to move on
my friends were right all along
you keep falling away
giving ups not easy
its hard enough to say
as much as i make believe
you're not really here with me
what was i thinking from the beginning
you didn't care at all
so here's your last song
i can leave it all behind
or take another chance to find you
no where in sight
going to the movies alone
every scenes that's shown
reminds me of you
as much as i make believe
you're not really here with me
what was i thinking from the beginning
you didn't care at all
all that's left are the memories
constantly haunting me
i'm giving up it's time to grow up
you're not around and we're not in love
heres the last song
laying around in around in this hotel room
too much to think about nothing to do
she's not coming back she's not coming back
as much as i make believe
something in side of me
has got me hoping got me thinking
who am i to assume
this love is crazy
unpredictable maybe
you'll melt my heart like you did from the start
all over again it's not the end
so here's your last song
yeah we made it out
Saturday, April 10, 2010
What about that!
Hey! It's been a long 2 days!!
So.... Basically there was the Student Leader Investiture. There was this 3 hour long ceremony in which I went onstage to receive this bunch of certificates and shit. Hehehehe. I worked for 2 years to get 2 pieces of paper (SC, Drama certs), which is better than Wei Jie, who worked 2 years to get 1 piece of paper (SC cert only). That's a 100% more! HAHA
OK LAME. After the ceremony we took pictures abit, and then I taught my juniors the SC Cheer! Yehhh~~ It's like, like, "Chuan Zhong Jie Dai", you know? Heh. I really like the new SCs this year, they look realllly promising. I mean, it took me around 30 minutes to bond them! How awesome is that! (Personal best heh.) Well all I'm saying is that they've had an awesome start, and they can only get better. I hope that the little speech Wei Jie and I gave them can give the little push that all juniors need, as well as some guidance. I am encouraged by what I see when I look back, and gaze down upon all I'm leaving behind from the little ledge I'm perched upon. It's time to climb another mountain.
After the ice-breakers in the canteen, we headed down to eHub for a meal together. Then, we knocked ourselves(and each other) out with the crazy stuff we did at the K-box level! Heh. That was the first time I went on taupok spree with my SC :D I'm a little sad that I didn't do crazy shit like that with them earlier, because it did dawn on me that it would more or less be the last time I would get to do things like that with them already. I think I'm going to miss the group, because the people there have become such a part of me! Oh well. This is part of self-improvement I guess. Learning to cope with changes, especially when they're so close to your heart!
Abit on a different topic now. I've realized my thoughts have been less active of late. It's probably because I have been busier with the stuff around me, and I haven't really had time to sift through the stuff within me. I think it's also because there's simply less to think about, now that TCS is decisively out of my mind. Well... I made sure she's out of my life, out of my realm of existence, too. It's almost as if we are now strangers. Which probably isn't a bad thing, because my nerves tingle too much around that certain someone. Far too much for me to muster any attempt to be charming :P But of course, girls aren't the only thing on my mind -.- My piano exams are also over, which means that I can now return to playing piano as a true passion, as opposed to playing the stuff I HAVE to play to prepare for exam. Not that I don't do those things passionately.
Life now is simpler. This clarity is very refreshing! Go to school, say hi to everyone you know, be a good senior to juniors, enjoy my time with my friends, study hard, have fun, play piano, go hang out, do all the fun stuff. Be nice to everyone! Hmmm, now I probably enjoy life a lot more. I think I realise how much my introspective pondering has cost me. Follow your heart and run along with the wind that is emotion! Keith has, after all, always been about passion infused with a deep, thoughtful mind, and not the other way around. Hehehehe.
It's quite breathtaking how much one grows and changes in a mere two weeks. I'm reading my posts from the past, and the person who wrote them doesn't seem quite like me.
So.... Basically there was the Student Leader Investiture. There was this 3 hour long ceremony in which I went onstage to receive this bunch of certificates and shit. Hehehehe. I worked for 2 years to get 2 pieces of paper (SC, Drama certs), which is better than Wei Jie, who worked 2 years to get 1 piece of paper (SC cert only). That's a 100% more! HAHA
OK LAME. After the ceremony we took pictures abit, and then I taught my juniors the SC Cheer! Yehhh~~ It's like, like, "Chuan Zhong Jie Dai", you know? Heh. I really like the new SCs this year, they look realllly promising. I mean, it took me around 30 minutes to bond them! How awesome is that! (Personal best heh.) Well all I'm saying is that they've had an awesome start, and they can only get better. I hope that the little speech Wei Jie and I gave them can give the little push that all juniors need, as well as some guidance. I am encouraged by what I see when I look back, and gaze down upon all I'm leaving behind from the little ledge I'm perched upon. It's time to climb another mountain.
After the ice-breakers in the canteen, we headed down to eHub for a meal together. Then, we knocked ourselves(and each other) out with the crazy stuff we did at the K-box level! Heh. That was the first time I went on taupok spree with my SC :D I'm a little sad that I didn't do crazy shit like that with them earlier, because it did dawn on me that it would more or less be the last time I would get to do things like that with them already. I think I'm going to miss the group, because the people there have become such a part of me! Oh well. This is part of self-improvement I guess. Learning to cope with changes, especially when they're so close to your heart!
Abit on a different topic now. I've realized my thoughts have been less active of late. It's probably because I have been busier with the stuff around me, and I haven't really had time to sift through the stuff within me. I think it's also because there's simply less to think about, now that TCS is decisively out of my mind. Well... I made sure she's out of my life, out of my realm of existence, too. It's almost as if we are now strangers. Which probably isn't a bad thing, because my nerves tingle too much around that certain someone. Far too much for me to muster any attempt to be charming :P But of course, girls aren't the only thing on my mind -.- My piano exams are also over, which means that I can now return to playing piano as a true passion, as opposed to playing the stuff I HAVE to play to prepare for exam. Not that I don't do those things passionately.
Life now is simpler. This clarity is very refreshing! Go to school, say hi to everyone you know, be a good senior to juniors, enjoy my time with my friends, study hard, have fun, play piano, go hang out, do all the fun stuff. Be nice to everyone! Hmmm, now I probably enjoy life a lot more. I think I realise how much my introspective pondering has cost me. Follow your heart and run along with the wind that is emotion! Keith has, after all, always been about passion infused with a deep, thoughtful mind, and not the other way around. Hehehehe.
It's quite breathtaking how much one grows and changes in a mere two weeks. I'm reading my posts from the past, and the person who wrote them doesn't seem quite like me.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Acclimatisation
I'm just going to say: I think I'm getting the hang of this study-until-your-brains-melt-for-3-hours-every-night thing. Which is good in the long run :D Although tonight I'm simply too tired to organize my thoughts very well, so this one gonna realllly short.
Hmm Jit Wei left me a question which the intellectual in me just couldn't resist ;P So, I'm going to wrangle with that one while I'm running at the reservoir, and... maybe I'll blog about this controversial topic another day :P
Last thing. Zul said to me at bus stop after night study,
Z: Keith, you're like a Motorola Dext.
K: Haha what why?
Z: "Everything else is anti-social"!
Of course, he added in a characteristic "chey" at the back :P
I have awesome friends, and Zul is right there at the top!! :) Mine may be a troubled existence, but there're always things to feel happy about! I don't think I'm the only one out there like that, so to all of you who also find yourselves through a storm every now and then, don't give up!!
Wah stress ah. Off to reservoir bye!
yesyesyes, at 10:40pm, shut up about it already! ;D
Hmm Jit Wei left me a question which the intellectual in me just couldn't resist ;P So, I'm going to wrangle with that one while I'm running at the reservoir, and... maybe I'll blog about this controversial topic another day :P
Last thing. Zul said to me at bus stop after night study,
Z: Keith, you're like a Motorola Dext.
K: Haha what why?
Z: "Everything else is anti-social"!
Of course, he added in a characteristic "chey" at the back :P
I have awesome friends, and Zul is right there at the top!! :) Mine may be a troubled existence, but there're always things to feel happy about! I don't think I'm the only one out there like that, so to all of you who also find yourselves through a storm every now and then, don't give up!!
Wah stress ah. Off to reservoir bye!
yesyesyes, at 10:40pm, shut up about it already! ;D
Mobileblogging
On zulicrumb's phone blogging now :D:D heh wifi phones are so fun because they rescue you from boring chem lessons! Bah this is not the way to be thoughtful and pensive and poetic so I think I'll put something up sometime tonight. I still wish I have a wifi phone though!!
Zul is peeking over my shoulder as I type this:( Tsk annoying sia!! Makes me nervous to type. You don't mark people's compo before they're done with it, you know??! Gah my first recess alone in class. I'm not hungry so i don't wanna go down and join the guys at canteen, but I don't feel like going to 4r2 today. Zul's there now, whichis why I'm free to blog on the phone:)
Today is an exciting day! After classes there's bio spa (hopefully no urea involved today), followed by investiture rehearsal! It feels weird... Because I still remember so clearly when I was a sec2, looking up at the sec3 exco and aspiring to be like them... It's such a vindicating experience! Tmrw I'll be where my seniors once were... Passing the baton, giving up the mantle!
Stepping down. I have a feeling that my work with the SC is far from done, though. Same goes for my cca.
Alas, that is a story for another day. I have to remain focused on my exams at the end of the year! That, and then some afterwards:)
After rehearsal I'll be in the library chionging with WeiJie, zul, ands, and andreas!! Rushhhhh!
Alright. Focus. Look. Leap. Fall. Fly. Free.
Zul is peeking over my shoulder as I type this:( Tsk annoying sia!! Makes me nervous to type. You don't mark people's compo before they're done with it, you know??! Gah my first recess alone in class. I'm not hungry so i don't wanna go down and join the guys at canteen, but I don't feel like going to 4r2 today. Zul's there now, whichis why I'm free to blog on the phone:)
Today is an exciting day! After classes there's bio spa (hopefully no urea involved today), followed by investiture rehearsal! It feels weird... Because I still remember so clearly when I was a sec2, looking up at the sec3 exco and aspiring to be like them... It's such a vindicating experience! Tmrw I'll be where my seniors once were... Passing the baton, giving up the mantle!
Stepping down. I have a feeling that my work with the SC is far from done, though. Same goes for my cca.
Alas, that is a story for another day. I have to remain focused on my exams at the end of the year! That, and then some afterwards:)
After rehearsal I'll be in the library chionging with WeiJie, zul, ands, and andreas!! Rushhhhh!
Alright. Focus. Look. Leap. Fall. Fly. Free.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
What do you call studying at night? Night study!
Hehe sorry like duh.
Night study today was very awesome for 2 reasons!
1) With Wei Jie at my table, I finished: 1 Full (meaning O level style) Bio Paper, 1 Full Chem Paper, and I still managed to squeeze in a quarter of all the Amath TYS questions on polynomials! Wow, I feel powerful :D Now I'm damn drained though. Just can't help but stick my tongue out and blow a big, wet raspberry. I mean, I finished all of that shit in 3 hours! How crazy is that!! :D:D
One thing I have complaints about though. There's this group of people at the library who bring food in and swear and talk loudly and make the library seem like the canteen with aircon. These people make my night study experience more zzz then it really was, because they totally screwed the atmosphere at the library. Before they entered, the library was so conducive! Let's just say that they ought to be in the canteen, and not just come up to the library for the sake of aircon, and wreck the studying of all the other people. -.- Tomorrow I think I'll feedback that to a teacher so they can take more steps to prevent people from defeating the purpose of going to the library in the first place.
YEAH I KNOW I JUST PROOF-READ WHATEVER I WROTE AND MY GRAMMAR AND SENTENCE STRUCTURE IS FUCKED UP I'M TOO TIRED TO CARE
2) I exorcised a ghost tonight! I had a good, long conversation with my certain someone and I can safely say that I am ready to put this dream to bed(heh heh heh the irony). I truly know where my focus lies now.
While I'm at it, another certain someone has thoroughly disappointed me today. I had never known that certain someone to be so judgmental and so easily affected by words, rumors, especially when the words come from the lips of the entire level's Mr. Blasphemy. That certain someone, of all people, should know that, having once been the target of his idiotic-ness herself. That certain someone avoids Mr. Blasphemy like the plague, but she just gulped down whatever spewed from his mouth today to feed this little thing called self-consciousness. And hurt other people in the process, of course. All of a sudden, it's who's-Keith-I'm-sorry-I-don't-know-him-so-even-if-we-make-eye-contact-I'll-just-pretend-I-saw-a-stranger-and-I-won't-say-hi. I'd always thought that certain someone to be far, far better than this. I hope that certain someone doesn't try to apologize because I'm not ready to forgive and forget anytime soon. Thoroughly, utterly, disappointing in the most abject meaning of the word, and I think I don't mind living life without that certain someone's friendship. At all.
Alright! Time for a shower and sleep! My success with the night study program invigorates me, and I'm ready for school tomorrow! I can feel myself gathering pace towards the O levels... Victoria JC doesn't seem that far-off a dream anymore :D
Night study today was very awesome for 2 reasons!
1) With Wei Jie at my table, I finished: 1 Full (meaning O level style) Bio Paper, 1 Full Chem Paper, and I still managed to squeeze in a quarter of all the Amath TYS questions on polynomials! Wow, I feel powerful :D Now I'm damn drained though. Just can't help but stick my tongue out and blow a big, wet raspberry. I mean, I finished all of that shit in 3 hours! How crazy is that!! :D:D
One thing I have complaints about though. There's this group of people at the library who bring food in and swear and talk loudly and make the library seem like the canteen with aircon. These people make my night study experience more zzz then it really was, because they totally screwed the atmosphere at the library. Before they entered, the library was so conducive! Let's just say that they ought to be in the canteen, and not just come up to the library for the sake of aircon, and wreck the studying of all the other people. -.- Tomorrow I think I'll feedback that to a teacher so they can take more steps to prevent people from defeating the purpose of going to the library in the first place.
YEAH I KNOW I JUST PROOF-READ WHATEVER I WROTE AND MY GRAMMAR AND SENTENCE STRUCTURE IS FUCKED UP I'M TOO TIRED TO CARE
2) I exorcised a ghost tonight! I had a good, long conversation with my certain someone and I can safely say that I am ready to put this dream to bed(heh heh heh the irony). I truly know where my focus lies now.
While I'm at it, another certain someone has thoroughly disappointed me today. I had never known that certain someone to be so judgmental and so easily affected by words, rumors, especially when the words come from the lips of the entire level's Mr. Blasphemy. That certain someone, of all people, should know that, having once been the target of his idiotic-ness herself. That certain someone avoids Mr. Blasphemy like the plague, but she just gulped down whatever spewed from his mouth today to feed this little thing called self-consciousness. And hurt other people in the process, of course. All of a sudden, it's who's-Keith-I'm-sorry-I-don't-know-him-so-even-if-we-make-eye-contact-I'll-just-pretend-I-saw-a-stranger-and-I-won't-say-hi. I'd always thought that certain someone to be far, far better than this. I hope that certain someone doesn't try to apologize because I'm not ready to forgive and forget anytime soon. Thoroughly, utterly, disappointing in the most abject meaning of the word, and I think I don't mind living life without that certain someone's friendship. At all.
Alright! Time for a shower and sleep! My success with the night study program invigorates me, and I'm ready for school tomorrow! I can feel myself gathering pace towards the O levels... Victoria JC doesn't seem that far-off a dream anymore :D
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Short Prose
Ever since I met you
I wanted to be your guy
but as you probably noticed
I'm pathologically shy
Standing on this stage right now
I think I'd rather die
so I'm just going to start by saying,
Hi.
I wanted to be your guy
but as you probably noticed
I'm pathologically shy
Standing on this stage right now
I think I'd rather die
so I'm just going to start by saying,
Hi.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Ouroboros
Heh. I used to think ACS reciprocated at least a bit... I guess I thought wrong! People learn from their mistakes I guess, so I'm just going to learn from mine, then dust myself off and get back to life. I don't know if it would just be a temporal sort of thing, but the kind of responses I've been getting recently... something tells me I should stop trying. I'm not blaming anyone for feeling down because some shit happened, but the way I've been.... bruised(?), I think... at the very least I need some time away from ACS. I don't think I have the capacity to be a very nice person after these 2 days. Yeah... It's unusually shortsighted of me... I mean it's just been 2 days(like literally 2 days, not figuratively "a couple of days") ACS has been like that, but I'm especially demoralized and... dare I say I'm hurt?
Other than the above, today was a pleasantly nondescript day. Piano. breakfast, a game of Dota(I haven't touched computer games for crazy long, and I really had nothing else to do, so I guess it was alright), read SS textbook, nap, 5km. I was supposed to hit the gym with Anderson this morning but heavy rain and us BOTH waking up late meant that we had to call it off. At least I got in some exercise anyway. Oh, and I skipped lunch because I try not to eat lunch when my day is extremely sedentary (like today). Well, I guess a manage a bit if my parents try to force the issue, but I'm not big on eating when I'm not hungry, you know? I think it's quite pointless to be eating simply because you are "supposed to", honestly.
In fact, I think it's quite pointless to be doing anything simple because you are "supposed to". For example, if you don't have anything to say to the half-acquaintance next to you, then just pretend he/she doesn't exist! I think it's quite stupid to try and be "polite"(especially when you don't have any genuine intention to be polite - you're just doing what you think you're "supposed to"), and do a half-assed attempt at acknowledging his/her presence, then proceed to maintain an awkward silence the whole way. Then, to break the monotony, you say some lines off the list of lines you have in your head, because you're "supposed to" say something. Sigh.
It's just plastic, it's very annoying sometimes, because the person you're talking to - wait - "supposed to" be talking to probably isn't a idiot and he/she will simply hear in you a robot operated by this insidious clockwork, ticking away to the dull mechanics of societal niceties. Honestly, of course people like to interact and it's great to have a lot to talk about to everyone, but do you really want people to think of you in that manner?
Alright point made I guess. Now, about a certain someone.....
Heh. I used to think ACS reciprocated at least a bit... I guess I thought wrong! People learn from their mistakes I guess, so I'm just going to learn from mine, then dust myself off and get back to life. I don't know if it would just be a temporal sort of thing, but the kind of responses I've been getting recently...
(Go look up the title of this post on Wikipedia. Read the post as many times as you like :P)
Other than the above, today was a pleasantly nondescript day. Piano. breakfast, a game of Dota(I haven't touched computer games for crazy long, and I really had nothing else to do, so I guess it was alright), read SS textbook, nap, 5km. I was supposed to hit the gym with Anderson this morning but heavy rain and us BOTH waking up late meant that we had to call it off. At least I got in some exercise anyway. Oh, and I skipped lunch because I try not to eat lunch when my day is extremely sedentary (like today). Well, I guess a manage a bit if my parents try to force the issue, but I'm not big on eating when I'm not hungry, you know? I think it's quite pointless to be eating simply because you are "supposed to", honestly.
In fact, I think it's quite pointless to be doing anything simple because you are "supposed to". For example, if you don't have anything to say to the half-acquaintance next to you, then just pretend he/she doesn't exist! I think it's quite stupid to try and be "polite"(especially when you don't have any genuine intention to be polite - you're just doing what you think you're "supposed to"), and do a half-assed attempt at acknowledging his/her presence, then proceed to maintain an awkward silence the whole way. Then, to break the monotony, you say some lines off the list of lines you have in your head, because you're "supposed to" say something. Sigh.
It's just plastic, it's very annoying sometimes, because the person you're talking to - wait - "supposed to" be talking to probably isn't a idiot and he/she will simply hear in you a robot operated by this insidious clockwork, ticking away to the dull mechanics of societal niceties. Honestly, of course people like to interact and it's great to have a lot to talk about to everyone, but do you really want people to think of you in that manner?
Alright point made I guess. Now, about a certain someone.....
Heh. I used to think ACS reciprocated at least a bit... I guess I thought wrong! People learn from their mistakes I guess, so I'm just going to learn from mine, then dust myself off and get back to life. I don't know if it would just be a temporal sort of thing, but the kind of responses I've been getting recently...
(Go look up the title of this post on Wikipedia. Read the post as many times as you like :P)
A clue to help remember
The previous post was too much info. So many clues and hints! Nooo we can't have that. It's been edited already so.... Mmm hmm.
A dream on a quiet Midsummer night
It's been a relatively long time since I posted something. (4days or so) It's not that my thoughts have run dry, no(I hope that happens one day though), I have probably been so caught up in recent events that I haven't had the time to sit down and record my thoughts. So! A few things I'd like to log.
I just discovered exactly how lousy and stupid I am at comforting people who are sad. Well, maybe the fact that I was typing away into a computer worked against me, but earlier tonight my mind was blank.... Lolwut, you know? What's worse, while attempting, I even managed to get myself into a confusion by stumbling upon a pang of... I don't even know what to call it.
Sigh. What's new these days, you know?
So anyway, I put down whatever I was trying (and failing) to do at the time and I went to contemplate. The possibilities I explored were.... They were revelations, and probably not of the good kind.I thought about some really scary things and there were some doors I refused to open. Possibly because behind them I might find the truth. Considering the effects of everything I'd rather be blind this once.
I don't want to get myself involved with certain people, especially at this time. What's more, after this year.... that person would probably not even be around anymore.... logically it's a very stupid thing to do, but my heart doesn't follow...
I don't know how I should go about handling this. Maybe I can suppress myself until the time comes and she goes (ironic). Maybe we'll spend a few sweet months together then separate tearfully (lol nigh-impossible since this little thing I've got going on is probably sadly one-sided). Then there's that fairytale ending which I'm not going to allow myself the stupidity of considering. Nothing is really helping, and I probably need to regain my focus! I'm cutting myself too much slack in more areas than one. Is this the decline? I don't feel as sharp and smart anymore. It's as if knowing that certain someone has paralyzed my wit and overloaded my tongue because I seem to speak in a very stupid manner everytime, you know.
I don't know if I'm just immersing myself in my introspective side too much, or is it that all teenagers are supposed not to know which way to go. This post has too many "I don't know"-s. One thing I do know is that this is not good for me long term... And I cannot take it so I must use singlish.
HOW AR?
I think I'm hating myself for choosing to indulge my childish, impulsive curiousity
I just discovered exactly how lousy and stupid I am at comforting people who are sad. Well, maybe the fact that I was typing away into a computer worked against me, but earlier tonight my mind was blank.... Lolwut, you know? What's worse, while attempting, I even managed to get myself into a confusion by stumbling upon a pang of... I don't even know what to call it.
Sigh. What's new these days, you know?
So anyway, I put down whatever I was trying (and failing) to do at the time and I went to contemplate. The possibilities I explored were.... They were revelations, and probably not of the good kind.I thought about some really scary things and there were some doors I refused to open. Possibly because behind them I might find the truth. Considering the effects of everything I'd rather be blind this once.
I don't want to get myself involved with certain people, especially at this time. What's more, after this year.... that person would probably not even be around anymore.... logically it's a very stupid thing to do, but my heart doesn't follow...
I don't know how I should go about handling this. Maybe I can suppress myself until the time comes and she goes (ironic). Maybe we'll spend a few sweet months together then separate tearfully (lol nigh-impossible since this little thing I've got going on is probably sadly one-sided). Then there's that fairytale ending which I'm not going to allow myself the stupidity of considering. Nothing is really helping, and I probably need to regain my focus! I'm cutting myself too much slack in more areas than one. Is this the decline? I don't feel as sharp and smart anymore. It's as if knowing that certain someone has paralyzed my wit and overloaded my tongue because I seem to speak in a very stupid manner everytime, you know.
I don't know if I'm just immersing myself in my introspective side too much, or is it that all teenagers are supposed not to know which way to go. This post has too many "I don't know"-s. One thing I do know is that this is not good for me long term... And I cannot take it so I must use singlish.
HOW AR?
I think I'm hating myself for choosing to indulge my childish, impulsive curiousity
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Today is like a snowglobe.
I hold the experiences from today in my hands, beautiful experiences, and I am reflecting upon these experiences from a good distance away, enough to be able to put everything in perspective. Yes, like a snowglobe, beautiful, meaningful, and sometimes very captivating.
Today was my final official Drama session. I am very happy that I have done both my Drama Club and my Sec4s one final service on my last day. I have given my club one final push, one that I hope will usher in a new stage of development for Ngee Ann English Drama Club. Of course, I will periodically be back to check on how my club is doing and how my juniors are developing. They are all raw, fresh gems, and probably nobody is more skilled with a chisel than I am. Thanks Aidan for the major vote of confidence :) It turns out that after all, I brought the curtains down on my rather illustrious play in a reasonably satisfying finite.
I am happy and ready to move on.
After all that, there was more to come! Today was the first time I told anyone about TCS. Zul is my confidante! I know I can depend on Zul to give me support. I already feel better about getting it off my chest. I may have intellect and hence abilities of reasoning above many others, but I suppose I am not yet emotionally strong enough to bear the psychological consequences that my daily revelations bring. Everyday I discover more about myself.... simply by conversing with my thoughts, because it almost seems like my thoughts are a separate, conscious entity living within me. Its voice rings in my ears in a staccato and sporadic fashion, and when I call out to it, it answers back with spectral certainty. It's strange that it'd probably sound like my own voice, but the voicebox tingles and flanges to another will.
When I have these mono-conversations, I discover things about myself that I note down, and everyday I know I become wiser. The world descends into a mundane pattern of ordered chaos, a veil that becomes gradually easier to pierce with mere perception. I realise that nobody takes on the world alone, and I am thankful I have friends with me. I am grateful I have been given time to develop both an acute mind (no doubt thanks to my Student Council) and a rich, soulful passion (no doubt thanks to my Drama Club).My parents once told me that I have done in 16 years things they would never have done in a lifetime. If I really have surpassed them in such a manner.... I suppose I must not hold it against them for not understanding me when I try to tell them about myself.
Maybe that explains the effort I put into crafting these posts! I wonder if I will read these posts 30 years down the road and see myself as a helpless guy groping around in the dark. The people around me tell me that I'm deep, and everyday my eyes are probably opened a bit more, but I really do beg to differ.
'Tis the ultimate irony that the more a man knows, the more he realises how much he doesn't know.
Today was my final official Drama session. I am very happy that I have done both my Drama Club and my Sec4s one final service on my last day. I have given my club one final push, one that I hope will usher in a new stage of development for Ngee Ann English Drama Club. Of course, I will periodically be back to check on how my club is doing and how my juniors are developing. They are all raw, fresh gems, and probably nobody is more skilled with a chisel than I am. Thanks Aidan for the major vote of confidence :) It turns out that after all, I brought the curtains down on my rather illustrious play in a reasonably satisfying finite.
I am happy and ready to move on.
After all that, there was more to come! Today was the first time I told anyone about TCS. Zul is my confidante! I know I can depend on Zul to give me support. I already feel better about getting it off my chest. I may have intellect and hence abilities of reasoning above many others, but I suppose I am not yet emotionally strong enough to bear the psychological consequences that my daily revelations bring. Everyday I discover more about myself.... simply by conversing with my thoughts, because it almost seems like my thoughts are a separate, conscious entity living within me. Its voice rings in my ears in a staccato and sporadic fashion, and when I call out to it, it answers back with spectral certainty. It's strange that it'd probably sound like my own voice, but the voicebox tingles and flanges to another will.
When I have these mono-conversations, I discover things about myself that I note down, and everyday I know I become wiser. The world descends into a mundane pattern of ordered chaos, a veil that becomes gradually easier to pierce with mere perception. I realise that nobody takes on the world alone, and I am thankful I have friends with me. I am grateful I have been given time to develop both an acute mind (no doubt thanks to my Student Council) and a rich, soulful passion (no doubt thanks to my Drama Club).My parents once told me that I have done in 16 years things they would never have done in a lifetime. If I really have surpassed them in such a manner.... I suppose I must not hold it against them for not understanding me when I try to tell them about myself.
Maybe that explains the effort I put into crafting these posts! I wonder if I will read these posts 30 years down the road and see myself as a helpless guy groping around in the dark. The people around me tell me that I'm deep, and everyday my eyes are probably opened a bit more, but I really do beg to differ.
'Tis the ultimate irony that the more a man knows, the more he realises how much he doesn't know.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Who am I kidding?
Whenever I scrolll down my msn convo list I'll STILL get to a certain point when I just become a little bit more aware of my heartbeat.
Wtf?
Wtf?
I'll never be the same.
redglhalilerGaeriughergjrlguhiHILUnerg1392104rqiwr12erkgn48(*g34tef*(#$!!
Alright awesome fingers are warmed up. ^^ Today, I engaged in big, fat,
NOTHING.
Which is a pretty awesome thing to do, especially since i haven't done that in such a long time! For the first time in a long time, the voices in my head have quietened. It is good to have some peace every now and then. You COULD say that it may be me becoming stupider, but I'll gladly stay this way if it means that I can be a normal person without my thoughts ringing so actively within my mind. Today, I saw the world with far more simplicity, and clarity. I wonder why have I become so stupid all of a sudden! Although this time I think it's a good thing.
It's not about controlling your thoughts, I learnt today. Allow your thoughts to run, immerse yourself in the possibilities, because the mind will eventually decide that it is time to return to reality. After, daydreaming is sometimes a very enriching activity :P For the first time in a full month, a certain someone has stayed out of my thoughts for the whole day. That's good since it's pointless to actively explore the possibility of an impossibility. A rather obvious statement in itself, but people do tend to believe in the impossible every now and then, especially when the only perceivable outcome is a sad, twisted portrait of murky black and brown and a haphazard network of crisscrossed lines. A piece of sad abstract art defines sadness in every possible way, simply because it does not define sadness in any possible way. After all, to not think about a certain someone, I have to think about that certain someone first before I can possibly un-think her, right?
It's because of things like this, I'll probably never be the way I was in the past. When I close my eyes and think, I see images, videos playing out, of how I was like in the past. Immature, more headstrong, but more carefree and less weary. When the reel stops rolling and I am forced to draw a comparison, I can only tell myself it is time to move on! People change! And that includes you, Keith. The drawbacks of a perfect memory.
Ahhh, writing about that certain someone now simply makes me have to type a paragraph to console myself. As it is now, TCS (that certain someone) may cease to be in my life at the end of this year. I'd rather not start swimming in this lake when it's evaporating so fast, which probably means it's very hot water, too. Even if let's say, let's JUST say, something really works out. I may be pretty good at things like analysis, perception and observation, but.... I wish I had some clairvoyance to help me out here. LET'S SAY we hook up and fall hard for each other (I said fall HARD, not fall DEEP). Then at the end of the year, for all intents and purposes, TCS vanishes from the face of the planet.
Then what? Bah I shouldn't have written this post. Now I've got more questions than ever.
And, that TCS-shaped coal in my heart is burning me up more than ever!
Alright awesome fingers are warmed up. ^^ Today, I engaged in big, fat,
NOTHING.
Which is a pretty awesome thing to do, especially since i haven't done that in such a long time! For the first time in a long time, the voices in my head have quietened. It is good to have some peace every now and then. You COULD say that it may be me becoming stupider, but I'll gladly stay this way if it means that I can be a normal person without my thoughts ringing so actively within my mind. Today, I saw the world with far more simplicity, and clarity. I wonder why have I become so stupid all of a sudden! Although this time I think it's a good thing.
It's not about controlling your thoughts, I learnt today. Allow your thoughts to run, immerse yourself in the possibilities, because the mind will eventually decide that it is time to return to reality. After, daydreaming is sometimes a very enriching activity :P For the first time in a full month, a certain someone has stayed out of my thoughts for the whole day. That's good since it's pointless to actively explore the possibility of an impossibility. A rather obvious statement in itself, but people do tend to believe in the impossible every now and then, especially when the only perceivable outcome is a sad, twisted portrait of murky black and brown and a haphazard network of crisscrossed lines. A piece of sad abstract art defines sadness in every possible way, simply because it does not define sadness in any possible way. After all, to not think about a certain someone, I have to think about that certain someone first before I can possibly un-think her, right?
It's because of things like this, I'll probably never be the way I was in the past. When I close my eyes and think, I see images, videos playing out, of how I was like in the past. Immature, more headstrong, but more carefree and less weary. When the reel stops rolling and I am forced to draw a comparison, I can only tell myself it is time to move on! People change! And that includes you, Keith. The drawbacks of a perfect memory.
Ahhh, writing about that certain someone now simply makes me have to type a paragraph to console myself. As it is now, TCS (that certain someone) may cease to be in my life at the end of this year. I'd rather not start swimming in this lake when it's evaporating so fast, which probably means it's very hot water, too. Even if let's say, let's JUST say, something really works out. I may be pretty good at things like analysis, perception and observation, but.... I wish I had some clairvoyance to help me out here. LET'S SAY we hook up and fall hard for each other (I said fall HARD, not fall DEEP). Then at the end of the year, for all intents and purposes, TCS vanishes from the face of the planet.
Then what? Bah I shouldn't have written this post. Now I've got more questions than ever.
And, that TCS-shaped coal in my heart is burning me up more than ever!
Friday, March 26, 2010
The raging conflagration that used to be, is now but a pile of glowing embers.
Long day today, and the ocean that is my mind is filled to the brim with the bittersweet water of new experiences, emotions, and thoughts. Let the ocean-emptying begin!
I think I started the day out rather brightly and I managed some awesome moments, but over the day I kind of wilted. Eventually something in me took over and brought me down. I became numb and dull and monotone. It's a very bad thing to feel and I'm ashamed that I let that become a part of me over the past month. I'm working to step back into the present, but these things take time..... I must persevere, simply because I relish regaining my... much-ness.
After the chicken-feat English paper today, I headed down to Sports Day with the guys to do our part! Today I was a noob at comforting people and doing that leadership thing that I'm normally pretty good at though. It was probably the mundane-ness of the day that was distracting me. It wasn't as fun as previous years because I couldn't help but think about the fact that next year I wouldn't be doing this anymore... At least not for NAS. Had an enlightening "farewell talk" with the SC teachers that will change the way I see my juniors. Educate, do not judge. Support, do not criticize. At this point, the fatigue of having to focus on the present was beginning to wear me out. I got a bit irritable and I guess I'm sorry for being an asshole to my friends at times.
After that, dinner at EastPoint. I was silent for most of the dinner and although my food was far from enough for me to be full, my mouth felt leaded and I couldn't eat. The most I managed were a few lame laughs and shit like that..... Today was fun but it basically ended in a very shitty manner. I think I did the full anti-social emo asshole set and signalled for everyone around me to piss off. I regret that such a thing happened, of course, but I do not blame myself too much. The ghosts of the past are often the darkest, you know?
Despite that.... before I started tiring, the day was extremely satisfying. Had very productive lessons, had quite a fun PE, funny moments with the gang, plenty of happiness to go around. I want to remain in that kind of state forever! In order to do that I guess I must learn to block out some.... external distractions. All this unconscious fantasizing is fucking with my mind too much, far too much. It must stop.
I'll spend half an hour meditating maybe. Then I'm going for a skate. East Coast Park and beyond! To wield my focus like a blade once more...
Please get out of my head.
I think I started the day out rather brightly and I managed some awesome moments, but over the day I kind of wilted. Eventually something in me took over and brought me down. I became numb and dull and monotone. It's a very bad thing to feel and I'm ashamed that I let that become a part of me over the past month. I'm working to step back into the present, but these things take time..... I must persevere, simply because I relish regaining my... much-ness.
After the chicken-feat English paper today, I headed down to Sports Day with the guys to do our part! Today I was a noob at comforting people and doing that leadership thing that I'm normally pretty good at though. It was probably the mundane-ness of the day that was distracting me. It wasn't as fun as previous years because I couldn't help but think about the fact that next year I wouldn't be doing this anymore... At least not for NAS. Had an enlightening "farewell talk" with the SC teachers that will change the way I see my juniors. Educate, do not judge. Support, do not criticize. At this point, the fatigue of having to focus on the present was beginning to wear me out. I got a bit irritable and I guess I'm sorry for being an asshole to my friends at times.
After that, dinner at EastPoint. I was silent for most of the dinner and although my food was far from enough for me to be full, my mouth felt leaded and I couldn't eat. The most I managed were a few lame laughs and shit like that..... Today was fun but it basically ended in a very shitty manner. I think I did the full anti-social emo asshole set and signalled for everyone around me to piss off. I regret that such a thing happened, of course, but I do not blame myself too much. The ghosts of the past are often the darkest, you know?
Despite that.... before I started tiring, the day was extremely satisfying. Had very productive lessons, had quite a fun PE, funny moments with the gang, plenty of happiness to go around. I want to remain in that kind of state forever! In order to do that I guess I must learn to block out some.... external distractions. All this unconscious fantasizing is fucking with my mind too much, far too much. It must stop.
I'll spend half an hour meditating maybe. Then I'm going for a skate. East Coast Park and beyond! To wield my focus like a blade once more...
Please get out of my head.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
A decisive decision
Alright! I've made up my mind. Life has to be spontaneous! In fact, that's what I advocate (especially when it comes to planning camps. Heh.) So no more pointless pondering and going in circles- I will be myself, live everyday like it's my last, and.... take whatever comes my way :)
Gnight kids!
Gnight kids!
Screw being sad, let's just eat sleep grow fat and die!
On a happier note, I just finished a new composition! Moment No. 50. I'm thinking of calling it "The Calm before the Storm". Because I started on this piece before I left for piano exam, and I think it portrays my emotions at the time pretty well. I think that composing should be very spontaneous, and it should be something that doesn't take up too much time. When I compose, unless I'm composing using pure, cold, mechanical thought (which doesn't get me anything good), I have to capitalise on the the emotions while they are still fresh, which is why my pieces are largely done merely in about 2 days, after which I edit the piece a bit if I want to. That's how all my pieces are: spur-of-the-moment, spontaneous figments of my creativity. That's why I call them Moments!
Bah, the ramblings of an amateur.
With my piano exam now behind me, I have much more time to do the things I like, as opposed to doing the things I simply have to. It's much easier to feel motivated when you set out to accomplish things for yourself!
I spent today mostly playing the piano and reading, in between meals. I feel empowered. "Just One More Day" by Mitch Albom is a very good read. I've never taken so long to process 200 pages. The content is deeply moving and inspiring. Then again, what from Albom isn't? Maybe I'll go for a jog later, then clear some homework at night.
I really do have to regain my focus.
Bah, the ramblings of an amateur.
With my piano exam now behind me, I have much more time to do the things I like, as opposed to doing the things I simply have to. It's much easier to feel motivated when you set out to accomplish things for yourself!
I spent today mostly playing the piano and reading, in between meals. I feel empowered. "Just One More Day" by Mitch Albom is a very good read. I've never taken so long to process 200 pages. The content is deeply moving and inspiring. Then again, what from Albom isn't? Maybe I'll go for a jog later, then clear some homework at night.
I really do have to regain my focus.
An unexpected development
I couldn't take it. I snuck out and wandered and wandered and found myself by the banks of Bedok Reservoir. There, I did what I usually did, and I sat up and pondered. Except that this time, there was no development, no spark to light up the darkness, no inspiration.
Everything remained murky. I think I am deteriorating somehow. It's good then that I can still lose myself in my piano scores, because sometimes I need to get away. Even the mono-conversations are losing their meaning, because a lot of times I simply do not answer. I mustn't lose my focus to something as trival as this. This setback is totally unjustified.
Ironic that the one thing that may help me, is the one thing I cannot allow myself to touch...
Everything remained murky. I think I am deteriorating somehow. It's good then that I can still lose myself in my piano scores, because sometimes I need to get away. Even the mono-conversations are losing their meaning, because a lot of times I simply do not answer. I mustn't lose my focus to something as trival as this. This setback is totally unjustified.
Ironic that the one thing that may help me, is the one thing I cannot allow myself to touch...
Discipline
You know exactly why you're logging into MSN at this hour so log the fuck out.
GOODNIGHT GO SLEEP
GOODNIGHT GO SLEEP
I am tired after shouting out all my bottled up fear into the wall.
I think I must be going nuts. Gnite
im just going to brain dierear everything i think of and name this another day because its hard to think straight when all i can think about is one think but i don't want to think about just that one thing because im used to spreading my mind over many tasks and this is not what im supposed to be doing get out of me get out of me i try to focus and calm myself but no because the voice is too loud and its the only thing i can hear and its the only thing i can think about the pictures are too real to ignore im a plane that just took a nosedive and crashlanded on an island full of wild anymals
It's finished alright get out of my mind I don't want you there please get out and stay out you cause me much more confusion than I can deal with and I'm not used to confusion I tried banging my head against the wall to knock you off but it didn't work and all I managed to do is wake my parents up I think I must sleep this off but no way I can sleep like this tonight is going to be a tough night I need help please get out of me
Since when was it a trend to pay and enter the cinema to watch a cartoon?
Just caught How to Train a Dragon in 3D! With Benedict, Weijie, Joel, Cheryl, Janice and Qian Hui. It was... pretty much of a children's show :P Sappy plot which taps on a child's fascination. I got a headache after the show T_T Haven't seen Wei Jie so fascinated and awestruck before though. By a kiddy-movie. Siggggghhh. Too bad I couldn't say the same thing for my dear lad Benedict :(
Then, thanks to Janice for giving me a lift home after the stupid decision I made in my headached and tired state :P
Although it was a fun night, I didn't have much fun. Yeah figure it out! I wonder where has the assertive, vibrant, extroverted, outspoken Keith gone to? I was pondering the whole night. And strangely, I didn't have to meditate on this hard problem. I actually intended to go spend the night at the beach after the show, but I halfway through the outing I realised I didn't have to.
This has to stop. All of it. I'm done. It's a simple equation, and when the equation doesn't balance out, it's not going to work. So, you scrap the equation and find some other figures that will make the equation work. I cannot function properly. I feel like I need to go cheer my ass off in some camp (ALTC in June?), so I can rediscover my zest. Now, I look inside myself, and I look not towards my (hopefully sound) mind, but my heart, and I look for the fire, the passion that ought to be coursing through me, the power.
Then, I'm suddenly struck by the feeling that I'm lost and alone because that's when I realise that it's not there anymore.
Then, thanks to Janice for giving me a lift home after the stupid decision I made in my headached and tired state :P
Although it was a fun night, I didn't have much fun. Yeah figure it out! I wonder where has the assertive, vibrant, extroverted, outspoken Keith gone to? I was pondering the whole night. And strangely, I didn't have to meditate on this hard problem. I actually intended to go spend the night at the beach after the show, but I halfway through the outing I realised I didn't have to.
This has to stop. All of it. I'm done. It's a simple equation, and when the equation doesn't balance out, it's not going to work. So, you scrap the equation and find some other figures that will make the equation work. I cannot function properly. I feel like I need to go cheer my ass off in some camp (ALTC in June?), so I can rediscover my zest. Now, I look inside myself, and I look not towards my (hopefully sound) mind, but my heart, and I look for the fire, the passion that ought to be coursing through me, the power.
Then, I'm suddenly struck by the feeling that I'm lost and alone because that's when I realise that it's not there anymore.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Vindicating
My piano exam is in 6 hours! This is the 20 minutes I've been preparing for, for the past year. Today I skipped school to stay and home and drill my scales and arpeggios more. I like how my pieces sound, I think they're extremely polished, and I think they're expressive as you can get on a light piano with shallow hammer action like a Yamaha. Wonder if I'll ever get to play on a Steinway? :P
The feeling is amazing! I haven't felt this kind of rush before an examination in a long time. I'm playing every piece like it's going to be the last time I'm playing (most definitely not - when I start working I'll save up for a $20k piano, and continue playing piano for the rest of my life! And then some.). It's wonderful how your fingers respond to your will, to pay attention to every single detail, to sculpt the forte and the piano and the schforzando and the sostenuto so delicately. I haven't heard myself play such lyrical dolce, or such suspenseful rallentendo! Right at the moment which matters, I think I've peaked.
It helps that I've extensively studied the histories of the composers for all my pieces and I know how THEY played the pieces. Alright that's all the time that I can afford! I'm gonna take a nap now. I was up last night at East Coast Park so I didn't get a lot of sleep.
After that, scale in D# minor, hands together 1 octave apart, staccato.
The feeling is amazing! I haven't felt this kind of rush before an examination in a long time. I'm playing every piece like it's going to be the last time I'm playing (most definitely not - when I start working I'll save up for a $20k piano, and continue playing piano for the rest of my life! And then some.). It's wonderful how your fingers respond to your will, to pay attention to every single detail, to sculpt the forte and the piano and the schforzando and the sostenuto so delicately. I haven't heard myself play such lyrical dolce, or such suspenseful rallentendo! Right at the moment which matters, I think I've peaked.
It helps that I've extensively studied the histories of the composers for all my pieces and I know how THEY played the pieces. Alright that's all the time that I can afford! I'm gonna take a nap now. I was up last night at East Coast Park so I didn't get a lot of sleep.
After that, scale in D# minor, hands together 1 octave apart, staccato.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Best way to deal with something you can't get.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to let go. But do I let go now? Do I let go for this opportunity? I must meditate on this.
In life, shit happens.
That summarizes my day today. First, I wake up to find that my phone died on me. It remained dead until I was outside Nokia Service Center. Only THERE did it stop refusing to switch on. Why do I always get the problematic phone?!
More to come. I went to school today with my crappy haircut.
I'm surprised more people didn't laugh at my haircut. Only Anderson and Cheryl did.
AIOEJAOIEGRJAER;OGIAJ[HRISGBKSAER
Curse those fail hairdressers! I asked for layer, then that stupid new auntie at EC House gave me this -.- After the haircut,
Keith: Wait wait, you call THIS layered?! (In Chinese. By the way, I don't make cynical remarks like that at strangers very often. I WAS very pissed)
Best part, all the auntie managed to reply was "Heh heh". WTF?!
To top it all off, lessons were boring-ass, and I went straight home after school because everybody got CCA and shit. Seriously!
Just to give you guys an idea of how crappy today was. The only fun part today was recess with the 4R2 guys, because we make fun of Benedict. I've still got so much more to write about but I can't gather my thoughts when I'm feeling indignant about my day and... I'm so weary. I thrive on emotions but now they're sapping me of all I've got left!
Note to self: Please stop thinking about people you're not supposed to be thinking about, especially when you're in such a precarious mental state, and you're constantly racked by your intelligent and deep but pointless pondering.
More to come. I went to school today with my crappy haircut.
I'm surprised more people didn't laugh at my haircut. Only Anderson and Cheryl did.
AIOEJAOIEGRJAER;OGIAJ[HRISGBKSAER
Curse those fail hairdressers! I asked for layer, then that stupid new auntie at EC House gave me this -.- After the haircut,
Keith: Wait wait, you call THIS layered?! (In Chinese. By the way, I don't make cynical remarks like that at strangers very often. I WAS very pissed)
Best part, all the auntie managed to reply was "Heh heh". WTF?!
To top it all off, lessons were boring-ass, and I went straight home after school because everybody got CCA and shit. Seriously!
Just to give you guys an idea of how crappy today was. The only fun part today was recess with the 4R2 guys, because we make fun of Benedict. I've still got so much more to write about but I can't gather my thoughts when I'm feeling indignant about my day and... I'm so weary. I thrive on emotions but now they're sapping me of all I've got left!
Note to self: Please stop thinking about people you're not supposed to be thinking about, especially when you're in such a precarious mental state, and you're constantly racked by your intelligent and deep but pointless pondering.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A lecture on Contrapunto, and then some.
Today was awesome! Well, quite. I think.
I normally wake up at ~7am, but today I woke only at 10am. So, I woke up feeling very pissed and prissy. It's very annoying when you find that all of a sudden, you have 3 hours less in your day to do stuff with. And why? you wanted to lie motionless in bed for awhile. :/ So 3 hours, in which I could've played piano/use computer/read/go for morning jog/go to gym, was wasted lying in bed snoring and getting fat and old and stupid. Pffft.
Good thing the rest of the day was spent productively then. Haven't played Beethoven so well in a long time. Which is good since exam is in 2 days and I need the confidence. I miss playing Bach, though. I'll play that more after exam! Contrapunto is a bit more different from most other styles of music, such as melody with accompaniment, or chordal, in a very fundamental manner. When playing contrapunto, J.S Bach in particular, one must pay close attention to the philosophy behind it.
As opposed to having a melody line and an accompaniment, contrapunto is about 2 separate lines of melody harmonizing with one another. When each is played separately, each melody line is supposed to be perfectly acceptable by itself, without requiring any accompaniment. Hence, when playing Bach, or contrapunto in general, effort must be made to distinguish the 2 lines of melody from one another. One way to do so would be to contrast the 2 hands in terms of dynamics, articulation, time, tonality, etc. But please don't tinker with volume. Contrapunto is supposed to sound like multiple voices singing together,each singing their own thing, but each part of a bigger score. So the score cannot be dominated by 1 voice overpowering the others.
The result is an overwhelmingly amazing sound, because a listener will be able to discern the individual voices as separate melodies, but hear the voices mish-mash together to form something beautiful and grand.
After piano, met up with Josh, Cheng Feng and Thane at T3 for some TCS(Talk Cock Session), then ran one round around Bedok Reservoir. 4km. I haven't felt so weak and out of it in a long time. Must talk to Wei Jie about running together.
MANCHESTER UNITED ALL THE WAYYYYY
I normally wake up at ~7am, but today I woke only at 10am. So, I woke up feeling very pissed and prissy. It's very annoying when you find that all of a sudden, you have 3 hours less in your day to do stuff with. And why? you wanted to lie motionless in bed for awhile. :/ So 3 hours, in which I could've played piano/use computer/read/go for morning jog/go to gym, was wasted lying in bed snoring and getting fat and old and stupid. Pffft.
Good thing the rest of the day was spent productively then. Haven't played Beethoven so well in a long time. Which is good since exam is in 2 days and I need the confidence. I miss playing Bach, though. I'll play that more after exam! Contrapunto is a bit more different from most other styles of music, such as melody with accompaniment, or chordal, in a very fundamental manner. When playing contrapunto, J.S Bach in particular, one must pay close attention to the philosophy behind it.
As opposed to having a melody line and an accompaniment, contrapunto is about 2 separate lines of melody harmonizing with one another. When each is played separately, each melody line is supposed to be perfectly acceptable by itself, without requiring any accompaniment. Hence, when playing Bach, or contrapunto in general, effort must be made to distinguish the 2 lines of melody from one another. One way to do so would be to contrast the 2 hands in terms of dynamics, articulation, time, tonality, etc. But please don't tinker with volume. Contrapunto is supposed to sound like multiple voices singing together,each singing their own thing, but each part of a bigger score. So the score cannot be dominated by 1 voice overpowering the others.
The result is an overwhelmingly amazing sound, because a listener will be able to discern the individual voices as separate melodies, but hear the voices mish-mash together to form something beautiful and grand.
After piano, met up with Josh, Cheng Feng and Thane at T3 for some TCS(Talk Cock Session), then ran one round around Bedok Reservoir. 4km. I haven't felt so weak and out of it in a long time. Must talk to Wei Jie about running together.
MANCHESTER UNITED ALL THE WAYYYYY
OH SH**
I'm suddenly gripped by this irrational fear: WHAT IF I FAIL MY PIANO EXAM OMG.
Bbye
*F#minor scale x 10123458359034million*
Bbye
*F#minor scale x 10123458359034million*
Why does a morning have to start like this
When you do the same thing twice, you will probably get the same reaction twice.
Similarly, if you call my music "Bullshit" again, I will sock you in the nose again.
Asshole.
Similarly, if you call my music "Bullshit" again, I will sock you in the nose again.
Asshole.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Consideration and Hypocrisy are really long-lost brothers
Considerate people are awesome! They hold the lift door for you, give way on the road, give you their food, give you their money, they'd give you their skins if you acted a bit fragile and asked really politely.
Wait what?
No seriously. Considerate people aren't necessarily a good thing. What if everyone in the world were ALL considerate?
Scenario 1
Considerate Man 1: Please do have this seat.
Considerate Man 2: Nonono, it's alright, you go ahead.
CM1: Nah don't you worry about me, take a seat!
CM2: No YOU don't worry about ME, YOU take a seat!
CM1: YOU!
CM2:YOU!
CM1:YOU!
CM2:(F___) YOU!
It'd actually be rather amusing. :)
Now consider hypocrites. Put them beside considerate people (For the purposes of this post we shall just call them "Considerates"), and most of you would say something like "Hey these guys are on the opposite end of the spectrum!". Now, are they really?
Scenario 2
Random Guy: Hey do you mind lending me $10?
H: (No chance in hell, biyatch) Sure thing :)
RG: Thanks!
H: You owe me one, brother! (Douchebag, can't believe I just gave him $10)
Also rather amusing, right? :D
Different attitudes, but what they did was essentially the same: They'd give you what you want from them, especially if you ask nicely.
Ahhh don't you just love family reunions.
Wait what?
No seriously. Considerate people aren't necessarily a good thing. What if everyone in the world were ALL considerate?
Scenario 1
Considerate Man 1: Please do have this seat.
Considerate Man 2: Nonono, it's alright, you go ahead.
CM1: Nah don't you worry about me, take a seat!
CM2: No YOU don't worry about ME, YOU take a seat!
CM1: YOU!
CM2:YOU!
CM1:YOU!
CM2:(F___) YOU!
It'd actually be rather amusing. :)
Now consider hypocrites. Put them beside considerate people (For the purposes of this post we shall just call them "Considerates"), and most of you would say something like "Hey these guys are on the opposite end of the spectrum!". Now, are they really?
Scenario 2
Random Guy: Hey do you mind lending me $10?
H: (No chance in hell, biyatch) Sure thing :)
RG: Thanks!
H: You owe me one, brother! (Douchebag, can't believe I just gave him $10)
Also rather amusing, right? :D
Different attitudes, but what they did was essentially the same: They'd give you what you want from them, especially if you ask nicely.
Ahhh don't you just love family reunions.
A Rant about the Rain
People like to say things like, "Raindrops are actually tears falling down from heaven, because they are so sad when they see how humans are living" and shit. To that I say: Screw you! :P
There are 2 main reasons I say this.
1)The nature of the raindrops. When you cry, you have these rather huge-like teardrops just streaming down your face, no? You don't have a crazy number of tears spurting out from your eyes, all at once, right? Besides, it is not practical for people to cry so much that we get rain. Heaven is supposed to be a happy place, not emo-nemo like that. Furthermore, when you cry you normally just wipe the tears away. It's far too ticklish to let the teardrop trickle down your face, far too ticklish.
I'd say the raindrops look more like something from... a garden hose, no? :) A giant garden hose. Like how an ant sees a regular garden hose. Yes...
2)Something to do with geography. Rain does not occur at everywhere in the world/the continent/the country/the island/Tampines at the same time. It only occurs at some parts of some places at some times. Compare this to crying. Do you ever "cry into" something? Or do you ever have a special "crying place"? Or is there a roster which says where you go to cry at which days of the week?
No! You cry as and when you please! Humans are undisciplined like that sigh. On the contrary, however, when you want to pee, for example, you go to the washroom. Even then, you piss specifically into the toilet, not just everywhere around on the washroom floor, walls, and mirrors (eew.)
Now compare this specific-ness of location for peeing to that of rain.
Guys, now think about the giant garden hose.
;)
There are 2 main reasons I say this.
1)The nature of the raindrops. When you cry, you have these rather huge-like teardrops just streaming down your face, no? You don't have a crazy number of tears spurting out from your eyes, all at once, right? Besides, it is not practical for people to cry so much that we get rain. Heaven is supposed to be a happy place, not emo-nemo like that. Furthermore, when you cry you normally just wipe the tears away. It's far too ticklish to let the teardrop trickle down your face, far too ticklish.
I'd say the raindrops look more like something from... a garden hose, no? :) A giant garden hose. Like how an ant sees a regular garden hose. Yes...
2)Something to do with geography. Rain does not occur at everywhere in the world/the continent/the country/the island/Tampines at the same time. It only occurs at some parts of some places at some times. Compare this to crying. Do you ever "cry into" something? Or do you ever have a special "crying place"? Or is there a roster which says where you go to cry at which days of the week?
No! You cry as and when you please! Humans are undisciplined like that sigh. On the contrary, however, when you want to pee, for example, you go to the washroom. Even then, you piss specifically into the toilet, not just everywhere around on the washroom floor, walls, and mirrors (eew.)
Now compare this specific-ness of location for peeing to that of rain.
Guys, now think about the giant garden hose.
;)
Somebody give me a notebook!
I thought of something, but I forgot what it is! Ahhh moments like these truly stink.
And, maybe I shall start tweeting less so that I have more to blog about. *pensive*
And, maybe I shall start tweeting less so that I have more to blog about. *pensive*
What cats and dogs? It's raining elephants and rhinos.
I spent last night at Pasir Ris Beach on a whim (although technically, it was the earlier part of this morning). I see things much more clearly now! I know where I am, what I want for myself, and what I have to do. The true spirit of atheism. Focus. Give something serious enough thought (either that, or enough serious thought) , and there will always be a development of some sort. Too often, I see people who attempt to binge away or sleep off their problems. Cowardly, temporal reprieve for a mediocre mind.
Moving on.
I am...led to believe that I've been using my piano pedals(which also means playing the piano) so much that my ankles are aching. My thoughts: Wtf? Yeah sure I have been spending entire afternoons playing piano, but hey I've never had problems like that before. I'll have to check my posture.
Piano exam is this Tuesday, btw. Which is bad, because I STILL can't play the scale in F# minor properly. Yeah go figure :$ I think I'll be able to do well though. I love my instrument! No, I actually dislike my crappy piano a fair bit, but I love playing piano in general. It's kind of like Red Bull. Energy courses through your fingers, up your arms, and along your spine. It whets your appetite and saturates your soul. You feel like you can go on forever and not stop, and when you do stop, you are invigorated, refreshed, rebirth-ed.
But when you play until your ankles start hurting, then it's just stupid larh.
Moving on.
I am...led to believe that I've been using my piano pedals(which also means playing the piano) so much that my ankles are aching. My thoughts: Wtf? Yeah sure I have been spending entire afternoons playing piano, but hey I've never had problems like that before. I'll have to check my posture.
Piano exam is this Tuesday, btw. Which is bad, because I STILL can't play the scale in F# minor properly. Yeah go figure :$ I think I'll be able to do well though. I love my instrument! No, I actually dislike my crappy piano a fair bit, but I love playing piano in general. It's kind of like Red Bull. Energy courses through your fingers, up your arms, and along your spine. It whets your appetite and saturates your soul. You feel like you can go on forever and not stop, and when you do stop, you are invigorated, refreshed, rebirth-ed.
But when you play until your ankles start hurting, then it's just stupid larh.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Fingers start across the keyboard. Ab Major.
So! My 3rd blog in a year. Well let's see how long this one lasts. This time I'll probably have much more to write about, since I've grown so much from the last time I kept a blog. No, of course I'm not talking about literal, physical growth. Don't be shallow. Empty vessels make the most noise, and I cannot stand noise. Nor can I stand empty vessels. Same goes for bimbos, show-offs, smartasses, dumbasses, and.... Well you get the point.
Today was a quiet day and I was feeling particularly lousy. Composed 2 pieces today, one in Ab major and one in Db major. Ab major is my favourite key because it gives you a very serene, flowing sound. Keys like D major are far too bright and vibrant for my liking and keys like F# major are just too deep and powerful and bass-ish to use to great variety. Of course it does have to do with my ability, but I'm just saying. I don't really like my pieces though.
I've been feeling this gnawing... jealousy(?) of late. What's it supposed to be? I mean, duh it's the hormones at work here, but I think I'm bordering on obsession. Although I'd like to get to know this one person better, I'm currently definitely not very very close with that person, and I'm sure as hell that person isn't very very close to me. Besides, Keith you idiot don't go walking through another rose bush (they are thorny as hell, btw) before you're even done with healing from the previous such walk. Readers, please do think about why I used rose bushes in my metaphor.
I was actually supposed to spend tonight at eHub until Benedict called it off, so I'm stuck here typing compo. Psssh. Speaking about night. Last night I decided to abandon my rollerblading buddies and go for a round (around the Eastern Park Connector) myself. I passed through my favourite places and revisited my sweetest memories. Last night was the first time I mustered the courage to go clean out this closet. Damn it hurt. Good thing I was on my skates, because I ran and ran and ran through the cold night wind, and I didn't stop once.
P.S: Right. First post out of the way. I'm pretty satisfied.
P.P.S: Wonder when will my 2nd post be? I'm waiting with bated breath.
P.P.P.S: Cheryl yes go ahead and knock yourself out:)
Today was a quiet day and I was feeling particularly lousy. Composed 2 pieces today, one in Ab major and one in Db major. Ab major is my favourite key because it gives you a very serene, flowing sound. Keys like D major are far too bright and vibrant for my liking and keys like F# major are just too deep and powerful and bass-ish to use to great variety. Of course it does have to do with my ability, but I'm just saying. I don't really like my pieces though.
I've been feeling this gnawing... jealousy(?) of late. What's it supposed to be? I mean, duh it's the hormones at work here, but I think I'm bordering on obsession. Although I'd like to get to know this one person better, I'm currently definitely not very very close with that person, and I'm sure as hell that person isn't very very close to me. Besides, Keith you idiot don't go walking through another rose bush (they are thorny as hell, btw) before you're even done with healing from the previous such walk. Readers, please do think about why I used rose bushes in my metaphor.
I was actually supposed to spend tonight at eHub until Benedict called it off, so I'm stuck here typing compo. Psssh. Speaking about night. Last night I decided to abandon my rollerblading buddies and go for a round (around the Eastern Park Connector) myself. I passed through my favourite places and revisited my sweetest memories. Last night was the first time I mustered the courage to go clean out this closet. Damn it hurt. Good thing I was on my skates, because I ran and ran and ran through the cold night wind, and I didn't stop once.
P.S: Right. First post out of the way. I'm pretty satisfied.
P.P.S: Wonder when will my 2nd post be? I'm waiting with bated breath.
P.P.P.S: Cheryl yes go ahead and knock yourself out:)
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