It's been a relatively long time since I posted something. (4days or so) It's not that my thoughts have run dry, no(I hope that happens one day though), I have probably been so caught up in recent events that I haven't had the time to sit down and record my thoughts. So! A few things I'd like to log.
I just discovered exactly how lousy and stupid I am at comforting people who are sad. Well, maybe the fact that I was typing away into a computer worked against me, but earlier tonight my mind was blank.... Lolwut, you know? What's worse, while attempting, I even managed to get myself into a confusion by stumbling upon a pang of... I don't even know what to call it.
Sigh. What's new these days, you know?
So anyway, I put down whatever I was trying (and failing) to do at the time and I went to contemplate. The possibilities I explored were.... They were revelations, and probably not of the good kind.I thought about some really scary things and there were some doors I refused to open. Possibly because behind them I might find the truth. Considering the effects of everything I'd rather be blind this once.
I don't want to get myself involved with certain people, especially at this time. What's more, after this year.... that person would probably not even be around anymore.... logically it's a very stupid thing to do, but my heart doesn't follow...
I don't know how I should go about handling this. Maybe I can suppress myself until the time comes and she goes (ironic). Maybe we'll spend a few sweet months together then separate tearfully (lol nigh-impossible since this little thing I've got going on is probably sadly one-sided). Then there's that fairytale ending which I'm not going to allow myself the stupidity of considering. Nothing is really helping, and I probably need to regain my focus! I'm cutting myself too much slack in more areas than one. Is this the decline? I don't feel as sharp and smart anymore. It's as if knowing that certain someone has paralyzed my wit and overloaded my tongue because I seem to speak in a very stupid manner everytime, you know.
I don't know if I'm just immersing myself in my introspective side too much, or is it that all teenagers are supposed not to know which way to go. This post has too many "I don't know"-s. One thing I do know is that this is not good for me long term... And I cannot take it so I must use singlish.
HOW AR?
I think I'm hating myself for choosing to indulge my childish, impulsive curiousity
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